Claycord – Talk About Whatever – Nov.24, 2023

domo’s first?

Something Annoying This Way Comes:
When I had no money I wanted to buy everything. Now that I have money, I don’t want to buy anything.
Killer Whales should kill more people. Or let’s just call them Panda Whales.
To this day I couldn’t tell you the difference between flammable and inflammable, but I can tell you I no longer care.
Iceberg lettuce is pointless.
Not too fond of actual icebergs either.
Is it a rule that if you work at the vet or the animal shelter you have oddly colored hair and aggressive piercings?
Beyond college sports, cheerleaders are just for old pervs. Not complaining, just saying.
If you need to pull me over to test my sobriety, fine. But I get to test you for steroids.
I would never poison or harm an incessantly barking dog. I can’t say how safe the owners are though. A number of factors would determine that, some of them out of my control.
If Hell is custom made for the sinner, mine will be cold, windy and playing Ranchero music non-stop. Loud.
I empathize with almost everything maga complains about, on a lot they’re not wrong. Except almost everything they say and do makes my skin crawl. So my membership application will not likely be approved.
Not letting Libnuts off neither. It’s one thing to be wrong, but to be shrill and insistent in the face of contrary evidence and common sense is unforgivable, so I don’t forgive. You were never a viable option for a membership application. Nothing personal of course. I have many friend and family members so afflicted.
Moving on…no matter how many times you say “Beatlejuice’, nothing happens. In a perfect world, something would. Even if it just made you sneeze. Or better, made someone else sneeze.
Men are more sentimental, generally speaking, than women. And I think I can prove it.
All vodka is ‘stripper vodka’, unless your last name ends in ‘rov’ or ‘ski’.
Of all the things I’ve tried and failed at, not being able to whistle at all, is what I regret most.
When you are trying to learn American Sign the only people you can really practice with are the deaf and they are incredibly inpatient. I get it. Makes me smile though.
The Glock 17 is a great pistol. I was a hard sell on the composites. And I can’t shoot it as fast as a 1911, but the reliability from mine has been flawless. It’s kinda ‘flippy’, but all my nines are that way.
Your buddy’s girlfriend who thinks she had a previous life a shaman and can read auras…she can’t come to the poker game. Gotta be firm on that. It’s for the greater good.
If you thing about A-1 steak sauce or even vinegar just right, your mouth waters. That’s weird.
Note to younger self: Your credit score is not a measure of your character, but the likelihood that any given entity will make money renting you money. So get the ‘Caddy.
Note to younger self: Betting lines are not trying to tell you who will win, they’re trying to get even betting on both sides. That’s how they make money.
Note to younger self: Wash your hand BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
Don’t bet on NFL games played in London. Ever. This would more apply to the older self.
I wonder if the first ten people who invented gunpowder immediately died before someone eventually got it right.
No one over 40 should be drinking tequila. Unless it’s culturally required. And even then…
Smart phones are the best thing to happen to waiting rooms since Playboys at the barber shop.
Ever recognize someone’s incredible talent, but still want to punch them everytime you see them? That’s me with John Mayer.
You can get good pizza in California, you just have to be starving and maybe a little drunk.
Soccer is communism personified. Lower case intentional.
If you don’t learn a language in the first ten years of life, I don’t think you ever really learn it. Not all the way. But that’s probably true of a lot of things.
If you say biscuit, you’ll get someones interest, but if you say biscuits, they immediately smile. Try it.
Never marry a red head. Probably more superstition, than actual useful advice. Just be careful.
Flesh eating bacteria is pretty aptly named it turns out.
Was there ever really debtor’s prisons? While I get the impulse, from a practical point, not sure that would work.
I can say the same thing about fly fishing. Seems an overly complicated solution to a relatively simple problem.
They used to ask me at my Raley’s if I wanted paper or plastic. I’d just tell them it doesn’t matter, we’ll all be dead way before any of us are ready and none of this matters whatsoever. Then I just scoop up my groceries in my arms and and run from the store laughing manically while dropping stuff. I have fun up here, in the ‘boondocks. 🙂

Keyless ignition start vehicles and why you don’t want to leave key fob on a hook by the front door.
https://tinyurl.com/5hjxtat

Giving Tuesday rocks!