The Water Cooler – Your Favorite Quotes

May 6, 2021 12:00 pm · 74 comments

The “Water Cooler” is a feature on Claycord.com where we ask you a question or provide a topic, and you talk about it.

The “Water Cooler” will be up Monday-Friday at noon.

Give us your favorite quotes. They can be funny, serious, inspirational etc.

Talk about it….

Simonpure May 6, 2021 at 12:02 PM

It will feel better when it stops hurting

Ilovepopcorn May 6, 2021 at 12:09 PM

A fool and his money are soon parted!

Dorothy May 6, 2021 at 12:19 PM

No matter where you go, there you are.

BOOYAH! May 6, 2021 at 12:21 PM

The beatings will continue until moral improves.

DD May 6, 2021 at 3:57 PM

I’ll give you something to cry about.

Bluebird May 6, 2021 at 5:02 PM

Remember that one from the military days. Used it often while raising our kids. One is career military.

MoJo May 6, 2021 at 12:26 PM

A few of my favorites:
1. Even duct tape can’t fix stupid but it sure can muffle the sound.
2. If your feet smell and your nose runs- you’re built upside down.
3. John Lennon said life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
4.”I want to die in my sleep like my grandpa ― not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car”.
5. Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear—not an absence of fear. M. Twain
6.Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.
7. Don’t try and win over the haters; you are not the Jackass whisperer.
8. “The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would steal them away.”
–Ronald Reagan
9. In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Ricadoh May 6, 2021 at 12:26 PM

Here come da judge.

Bob May 6, 2021 at 12:31 PM

“No good deed goes unpunished” and my all time favorite, “Don’t eat yellow snow”

Hayden Barsotti May 6, 2021 at 12:38 PM

“Another fine mess you’ve gotten us into.”

Elenora May 6, 2021 at 12:47 PM

MY SANDWICH!!!

badge1104 May 6, 2021 at 12:49 PM

“it’s always darkest before the dawn”

Tsa May 6, 2021 at 12:49 PM

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

Wow, currently we are way off course…

FPN May 7, 2021 at 2:35 PM

@TSA, My favorite also.

Cyn May 6, 2021 at 1:02 PM

“Five will get you ten if you know how to work it.” – Mae West
“You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist.” – Indira Gandhi
“If you’re going to shoot, shoot….don’t talk.” – Tuco (played by Eli Wallach)

Strad May 6, 2021 at 1:09 PM

Don’t take things personally, because it’s about the person who said it , it’s not about you.

Antler May 6, 2021 at 1:16 PM

“Promise me you’ll always
remember that you’re
Braver than you believe,
Stronger than you seem.
And smarter than you think.”
Christopher Robin to Winnie-the-Pooh

Simonpure May 6, 2021 at 1:22 PM

Don’t you lock up something
that you wanted to see fly.

Chris Cornell

Equus May 6, 2021 at 1:27 PM

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted~Aesop

Concord Nonie May 6, 2021 at 1:27 PM

Life is hard. It’s harder if your stupid.

John Wayne

Anonymous May 6, 2021 at 1:30 PM

I’m not good in groups. It’s difficult to work in a group when you’re omnipotent.
———-
There’s no “hall pass” in marriage. When you marry, you’re on permanent detention.
———-
I won’t be wronged, I won’t be insulted, and I won’t be laid a hand on. I don’t do these things to other people, and I require the same from them.
———-
It’s easy to be a communist in a free country, but extremely difficult to be free in a communist country.
———-
Communism is no less of a vile pestilence than the Black Death and demands to be stamped out with the same vigor and dedication as that of the actual plague.
———-
Misogynist: A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.
———-
Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard.
———-
Well, that’s the difference between raising a son and a daughter. All you do with a daughter is just try to keep her from getting screwed. All you do with a son is try to keep him from screwing himself.
———-

JonOfAllTrades May 6, 2021 at 2:01 PM

“You will definitely succeed in life if you follow the advice you give to your friends.”

Original G May 6, 2021 at 2:03 PM

“The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out… without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable.”
—H. L. Mencken

(in my shop at work)
“I do not wish to deprive you of the experience of coming to the realization of how completely wrong you are, once AGAIN ! ! !” (for bosses and engineers)

“WARNING ! There is a limit to the amount of stupid,
I’m willing to put up with”

Rollo Tomasi May 6, 2021 at 2:04 PM

“Use enough dynamite there, Butch?”

so true May 6, 2021 at 2:06 PM

God must really love stupid people, because he made so many of them!!!!!

Snakekeeper May 6, 2021 at 2:21 PM

I’m completely in favor of the separation of church and state. My idea is that these institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death

April May 6, 2021 at 2:25 PM

“Most bad government has grown out of too much government.”

inmotion May 6, 2021 at 2:26 PM

A mans got to know their limitations

What we got here, is a failure to communicate

I’m as mad as hell, and I’m not gonna take this anymore

Badges, we don’t need no sticking badges.

Fredrick Martinez May 6, 2021 at 11:25 PM

From the same movie: Hey, where da white women at?

Did I Say That Out Loud May 6, 2021 at 2:41 PM

1. Character is the doing the right thing even when no one is looking.
2. Don’t piss off the person packing your parachute.
3. You can enlighten the naive, teach the ignorant, but you can’t fix stupid.

Dawg May 6, 2021 at 2:51 PM

Famous quotes by Benjamin Franklin.

We do not stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.

Without freedom of thought, there can be no such thing as wisdom, and no such thing as public liberty without freedom of speech.

They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.

And my favorite: To find out a girls faults, praise her to her girlfriends.

JRocks May 6, 2021 at 3:08 PM

A few of short ones-

“If the glove doesn’t fit, you must acquit.”

“What we have here is a failure to communicate.”

“I love the smell of napalm in the morning.”

twilight May 6, 2021 at 3:57 PM

“When you choose the behavior you choose the consequences” (Dr. Phil)

“Don’t Tread on Me” (the Gadsden flag)

“Accept what you cannot change. Change what you can.” (based on the Serenity Prayer)

Schmee May 6, 2021 at 4:02 PM

Confusious say “man who stand on toilet, high on pot”

“Meetings are what people do when they aren’t working” -Mark Cuban

“You can’t fix stupid” -Jeff Foxworthy (you can’t reason with it, you can’t convince it, it believes everything it reads on the internet)

Sharon May 6, 2021 at 4:13 PM

“You don’t have to run, but it would be good if you could walk fast”

ALF May 6, 2021 at 4:19 PM

“I can eat a peach for hours”

Nicholas Cage (Con Air)

Martinezmike May 6, 2021 at 4:38 PM

“I can eat fifty eggs.”

ConcordKate May 6, 2021 at 5:03 PM

Hope for the best
Expect the worst
Life is a play
And we’re unrehearsed.
-Mel Brooks

anon May 6, 2021 at 6:13 PM

Stoney Ridge Farmer, Stupid should hurt!

Lamont May 6, 2021 at 6:13 PM

” Everyone matters or no one matters”

Hanne Jeppesen May 6, 2021 at 6:17 PM

How many boiled eggs did Paul Newman eat in “Cool Hand Luke”?

Fredrick Martinez May 6, 2021 at 11:26 PM

All fifty.

John Eh May 6, 2021 at 7:04 PM

“What it was, was football”

“Walk this way”

Dr. Jellyfinger May 6, 2021 at 7:09 PM

“I don’t have to outrun the bear… I only have to outrun you!”

Jsmith May 6, 2021 at 7:10 PM

A happy family is but an earlier heaven
George Bernard Shaw

The Big Cheese May 6, 2021 at 7:35 PM

“Any man who hates kids and dogs can’t be all bad. ”
W.C.Fields

ClayDen May 6, 2021 at 7:43 PM

Some of my favorites:

If everything is under control, you’re going too slow – Mario Andretti

No matter how bad things appear, remember, you can always make them worse – NASA

Murphy was an optimist

Simplicate and add lightness – Ed Heinemann (also attributed to Colin Chapman)

The Piper Cub is the world’s safest airplane; it can just barely kill you

Helicopters don’t really fly, they are just so ugly, the earth repels them

To infinity and beyond! – Buzz Lightyear

Chris May 6, 2021 at 8:37 PM

“No man is entitled to the blessing of freedom unless he be vigilant in it’s preservation.” General Douglas Macarthur.

Noj May 6, 2021 at 8:41 PM

Flaky Foont: “Mr. Natural! What does it all mean?”
Mr. Natural: “Don’t mean s#*!t.”

-Zap Comix #2 – Oct ’71 (50 cents)

paranoid pablito May 6, 2021 at 9:45 PM

“I bet those cops have got SCMODS…state county municipal offender data system”

Jeff (the other one?) May 6, 2021 at 9:54 PM

Nothing in life is free.
Life is not fair; do not expect it to be.
As Simonpure stated above..”It will feel better when it stops hurting”
As Cyn provided…“If you’re going to shoot, shoot….don’t talk.”

From We’re No Angels…”Oh, to be a painter!” or “I’m glad you broke it to her gently” we use that one a lot at home, just because.

MoJo May 6, 2021 at 10:21 PM

A favorite quote of mine, David Foster Wallace wrote: “You’ll stop caring what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do.”

hanne jeppesen May 6, 2021 at 10:59 PM

I have quite a few. but my favorite is this one from Robert F. Kennedy: What we need in this country is not division, what we need in this country is not hatred, but love and wisdom and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice, be they black or white. We are a great country we are a compassionate country. He spoke like a true leader and called on the best in us, it is only part of the speech the night Martin Luther King was killed.

A few others:
Regrets is the price one pays for having lived a full life.
I have been rich and I have been poor, rich is better.
A few movie quotes: “We will always have Paris” Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca, meaning memories are precious and stay with us always.
“For Gods sake do your duty” Gregory Peck in “To kill a mockingbird”
“They call me Mr. TIbbs” Sidney Poitier in “In the heat of the night” a great movie.
A fanatic is one who won’t change his mind, and can’t change the subject. Winston Churchill.
Last, since I was young in the sixties “Don’t trust anyone over 30”. Of course when I turned 60 it was quite a chock,

BOB May 6, 2021 at 11:19 PM

“If the only tool you have is a hammer, you see every problem as a nail.” Maslow

I have seen this quote claimed by a politician, but they were more than fifty years too late!!

A coworker had this sign ” How does lack of planning on your part make it a crisis on my part?”

Chicken Little May 7, 2021 at 9:54 AM

That’s a favorite quote of mine, too. I say it all the time. But I always say it as, “When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.” Same thought, fewer words.

Cowellian May 7, 2021 at 10:57 AM

Wasn’t that a quote from his lesser-known “Hierarchy of Hammers”?

Fredrick Martinez May 6, 2021 at 11:23 PM

Everybody brings joy to this office; some by entering, some by leaving.

Success has many fathers, failure is an orphan.

Do you want to talk to the boss or the one who knows what’s going on?

I’m from the guv’mint and I’m here to hep yew.

Janus May 7, 2021 at 12:28 AM

“Guard, protect and cherish your land, for there is no afterlife for a place that started out as Heaven.”

― Charles Marion Russell

N. Concord May 7, 2021 at 7:37 AM

Don’t Assume it makes an Ass out of you and me

M May 7, 2021 at 7:37 AM

Boats are prisons with the possibility of drowning.

Smile, nob, agree… then do whatever you were going to do in the first place.

Pat May 7, 2021 at 7:50 AM

A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Dr. Jellyfinger May 7, 2021 at 8:21 AM

My favorite was Monsignor Ryan in “Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner” as he’s laughing at Matt who is squirming over his daughter marrying a black man.

“It’s amazing to see a broken down phony old liberal come face to face with his principles!”

JG27AD May 7, 2021 at 9:10 AM

“And I only am escaped alone to tell thee” Melville “Moby Dick”

“Don’t fire until you see the whites of their eyes!” Israel Putnam.

“Government is not reason; it is not eloquent; it is force. Like fire, it is a dangerous servant and a fearful master. Experience has taught us that it is much easier to prevent an enemy from posting themselves than it is to dislodge them after they have got possession, and when the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.” George Washington

ClayDen May 7, 2021 at 9:21 AM

A clean desk is a sign of a sick mind.

hanne jeppesen May 7, 2021 at 9:30 AM

The character Monsignor Ryan in that movie was so cute and wise. In the end Matt followed his principles, and his wife even more so when she fired the woman that worked for her at the gallery.

caskydiver May 7, 2021 at 9:55 AM

“Women and children can be careless, but not men.” and
“I’ll give him an offer he can’t refuse” – both from The Godfather

“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety.”

“When seconds count, the police are just minutes away”

“Never give advice – wise men don’t need it and fools don’t heed it”

“I hate small food” and “How’s your wife and my kids?” — both from Rodney Dangerfield in Back to School

When entering a nice restaurant and the host asks if you have reservations: “Yeah, but I’ll eat here anyway.” – – another Rodney Dangerfield classic

Paladin May 7, 2021 at 12:31 PM

Stupid should hurt……..a quote from a great man and Scout Master, Greg Gamache

American Citizen May 7, 2021 at 1:44 PM

Anything from the film “Pulp Fiction.”

Dr. Jellyfinger May 7, 2021 at 6:28 PM

“Zed is dead”

JEFF R MILLER May 7, 2021 at 6:48 PM

Nobody’s perfect. Well there was this one guy, but we killed him.

Mimi (original) May 7, 2021 at 4:32 PM

“When in doubt, don’t!” “Are you feeling lucky?” “I’ve got a gun and I’m not afraid to use it.” “Garbage in, garbage out”

Judge Smails May 8, 2021 at 6:58 AM

You will get nothing and like it! (Judge Smails)

That’s bold talk for an one-eyed fat man. (from True Grit)

Badger Me May 8, 2021 at 8:56 AM

I’m not addicted to cocaine. I just like the way it smells.

Khloe May 10, 2021 at 2:05 AM

It is better to have loved and lost than to never have tried and succeeded.

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