The “Water Cooler” is a feature on Claycord.com where we ask you a question or provide a topic, and you talk about it.
The Water Cooler will be up Monday-Friday at noon.
Today’s question:
If you saw a child who was in danger (example: standing in a shopping cart, running in a crowded parking lot, etc.), would you say something to his or her parents? And if the situation was reversed, and somebody said something to you about your child, would you appreciate the feedback or would you be upset?
Talk about it….
We live in a time where we are no longer a “village raising a child.” I personally don’t say anything to, or about, other people’s kids because it’s usually not worth the argument that’s almost certain to ensue.
I’ll only say something if someone’s little disease-ridden rugrat is physically touching me or otherwise in my way.
Agree- especially if there is a racial/ethnic component. That’s what starts brawls at birthday parties or public sporting events.
“Disease-ridden rugrat”
Well, clearly you’re not part of the problem at all…
It’s wiser to MYOB. It’s a win-win situation…
I lived my entire childhood in danger and didn’t know it! Bike riding without a helmet, tree climbing without a safety harness. We even played football in the street. Life before hand sanitizers. How did we ever survive?!
Ditto that. I never passed up a challenge. I never told my sons what I did but found out after they became adults they were as bad as I was. No stealing or hurting anyone but everything else was fair game.
I had a friend in grade school that didn’t survive when he crashed on his bicycle – hit his head on the concrete (no helmet) – he survived for a while in the hospital but died shortly thereafter…
Same here. It’s a miricle I’m alive!
Hey guys, we made it and had a great time!
I was at Target one day and as usual it was very crowded. In the cafe as I sipped on a Diet Coke a man at the table next to me was with a little boy who was crying and the man became so annoyed he picked up the boy and slammed him down on a chair away from the man. The boy continued crying and although normally I am always one to speak up when I see something wrong I decided not to in this case for a couple of reasons. First of all I was not certain the man spoke English and second I did not want to create a scene, so I just walked out because I could not deal with the situation at all. I remembered what I read about Joan Crawford. Apparently, everyone knew she abused her children yet nothing was ever done about it. June Allyson admitted actually seeing the abuse but she decided never to return to Crawford’s house again. It’s easy to say we should speak up but getting involved in such situations where you are a witness is simply too much of a problem to deal with. First of all, at Target, who should I have spoken to? The manager? Should the police have been called. What the man did was actually abuse? Life is complicated enough without making it more complicated. Finally, I concluded that the boy was on his own, that it was up to him to do something. I was abused when I was a child, physically and sexually, yet I survived it, albeit a bit neurotic, but hey, who isn’t nuts these days?
I don’t give a rats ass if the parents get mad. I speak right up and If I see abuse after that I call CPS immediately.
I would not trust CPS with any child. Check out the story on the Epoch times that came out today about the Contra Costa CPS titled:
A Betrayal of Trust: Child Molestation Alleged in the Contra Costa CPS
The government is NOT your friend.
If you’re qualified to identify something that rises to the legal definition of child abuse, by all means say something. But one individual’s form of “abuse” might be another individual’s discipline.
Children need clear boundaries and limits. I’m not sure what parents need other than they need to set a good example.
Excellent observation. Parenting in a nutshell.
Sending you an email. I contacted police but they were unable to find them even with the license plate due to the plate coming back as not local to the area.
Wow!!! See something say something anyone heard of that. I would do something.
I always appreciated construction criticism, or correcting when someone else advised safety (to my kids) if I was lacking in public…..Sometimes parents get so tired of saying it over and over, so when a stranger would put in his two cents I was thankful….. “See? I’m not the only one who” I’d say to my kids.
I have. And if needed will again in a heart beat.
I’ve literally caught kids (not my own) twice. One mom said I must be a mom (yes) and thanked me. The other dad gave me a nasty look but hey, his son didn’t go head first out of the shopping cart so I think I did the right thing. Parents should be glad that somebody cared enough to do something!
Generally I try to intervene benignly, such as when noticing a child standing in a grocery cart’s seat and the parent is not paying attention (so many do not!), I might say “oops, hey there kiddo, be careful, you don’t want to fall” But if I see out-and-out abuse I try to address the parent gently as well, “excuse m’am, but is everything okay?” It’s generally a no win situation whatever you do, so all you can do is try to assess whether or not the perpetrator might be willing to take a swing at you!
Have done so many times. Caught one kid about to face-plant onto concrete as Mother put items on Costco checkout stand. An do not be shy about life jackets on kids on boats not underway.
All it takes is seconds for a kid to be hurt, or suffer a life altering injury.
I haven’t had to discipline someone else’s kid or kids in years. Last time was about five years ago on a train in Europe. A french mother and two young boys sitting behind me. First they were very noisy and second they kept kicking the back of my seat. After a while they got out in the aisle and started rough housing all up and down the car. I called them both over and loudly said, “sit in your seats, shut up and don’t kick the back of my chair”. They sat down told their mother what I had said but never made another sound. I think I also shocked the neighboring passengers.
Probably not, I think it is pretty normal in France to correct other people’s kids. Much more so than in the Bay Area. But they also tolerate more rough horseplay in public, schools, etc. there.
The manner that kids behave in public is a direct reflection on their Mother and Father parenting skills (or lack of)-period. As parents they should be judged. The parents are responsible for setting the example to their children
I can’t tell you how many times I have been in public and observe parents yelling, swearing, dropping the F-bomb at their kids. The parents behavior is unbelievable. No one argues with a 5 year old child. You tell them once and that is it.
In the example given I would not say anything but I might stare and hope the adult gets the hint. I would intervene if it looked life threatening.
Years ago I was gazing over the Grand Canyon on Kauai. A couple next to me let their 4-5 year old climb the waist high fence, my wait that is. She had her waist on the top rail and was leaning forward. Just the other side of the fence was a cliff with slippery shale rock on top that I would not step on. I looked at her and said loudly, “Jesus Christ.” Her Father grabbed the back of her dress by its waist but he did not take her off the fence. I left. I did not want my first Hawaiian vacation ruined on the first day.
If there was danger of injury, sure. Both ways. Kids are dumb, even good parents can’t see everything.
I had to speak up to keep my own grandchild from being hurt by an older kid at a playground. My grandson was around 15-months at the time and this other kid looked 8 or 9. The older kid shouldn’t have been in the toddler area to begin with, and he kept going everywhere the baby went and pushing him out of the way. I told him to stop and his mother called him over to her and told him that he needed to ASK HIM (the baby) if it was ok with him. 🤯. Sorry, Wonder- Mom, but this is a time when you have to be a parent and make a decision. Tell the kid: NO! Sometimes, the parents are so dense, there’s nothing you can do.
In the past, I have. But with “In Concord, Families Come First,” and other obvious assumptions that we all exist to serve their needs, I can’t be bothered. I make huge sacrifices and do without in order to educate other people’s kids. You took my money, I figure that’s enough.
Yep. We left LA in the late 1940s when the Mexican radio stations came in better than the top 40. Those “families come first” because you’ll starve to death waiting for all 12 of them to order.
You geniuses apparently aren’t aware that most governmental wealth transfer happening in this country is from the younger to the older. Social Security (which pays out more than the current recipients paid in, because young people are paying more in now) and Medicare are just the tip of the iceberg. Deficit spending, huge unfunded pension liabilities: they are all borrowing from the future to pay the present.
But yeah, you’re right, it’s all those dirty kids’ faults! Just keep telling yourself that.
@ Led Yeah, but I’ve been paying longer. And, they are only paying in “more” because of inflation. I repeat, I make huge sacrifices and do without in order to educate other people’s kids. You took my money, I figure that’s enough.
If they had phrased it “Concord, where children come first,” I would have had no problem with it. The way they put it, however, is insensitive and offensive to single parents and single adults without children. It’s a slap in the face.
Adding the “families” to who is coming first gives some sort of elevated status de facto to the parents that I don’t believe is deserved. It’s a little arogant, really. It doesn’t take any brains to have children, unless, of course, you think with your genitals.
And, all this “It takes a village” bs. Sorry, but your kid are your problem. Leave me out of it. If I wanted those kinds of problems, I would have had kids of my iwn.
No , I wouldn’t say anything. Parents these willtry ti fight you, people in general have become extremely confro.
I like using “Darwin is going to get you”
Hmmm, I don’t appreciate criticism, constructive or otherwise when it comes to parenting. Sharing knowledge is one thing, judging and criticizing my parenting is another.
Certainly, alert me if my kid has gone rogue and run into the street or something like that. I certainly don’t need lectures and castigation, I am probably already stressed enough. If I am not and don’t give a crap saying something won’t help. If you witness overt abuse call the authorities, don’t engage the abusive parent…they will take it out on the kid.
It’s totally okay to get the parents attention if their kid is running all over and not paying attention you can be polite and say “it’s making me nervous!” then you’ve made sure everyone is okay. I do this all the time in my life-if I see a random toddler at a store I will wait until I see a parent catch up to it. Im a mom and I work with kiddos I’m always on alert and have no shame pointing out something that looks unsafe.
I work at Macy’s in Stanford Shopping Center, I often say something. Usually it is children 3 years old and up, they are very intrigued by the mannequisn, and like to get close to them and touch them, however, these mannequin are not stable if jostled too much. One little boy toppled one over and it scared him, so I usually tell parents, it is for the safety of the child. I also see kid usually older where parents allow them to play on the escalator, the run up and down and try to go the wrong way, this absolutely freaks me out, because many years ago I witness a little boy at LAX getting his hand caught in the escalator, he screamed in pain and his hand was all bent, even though it was quickly shot off. I just don’t think parents realize how many dangerous some of these behavior can be. There is also the problem of kids that love to run in and out between the racks of clothing, I had 2 siblings do that just the other day, they were probably 6 to 8 years old. However, I also had elderly shoppers in the area, one with a cane, a kid running into such a person could easily cause that person to fall and get injured. So I told them nicely, but firmly it is not a playground, and it is not safe. For the most part parents are understanding and tell their children to stop.
I’ve been in that Macys. Very nice store. Traffic however is beyond grueling trying to get out of there in the afternoon. I feel for you if you do that everyday.
Yes, I say something if the child is in danger. One time, years ago I was in Burger King and witnessed a man and woman sitting with a young boy and repeatedly yelling at him about random things. It was so long ago, I can’t remember what they were saying but it was verbally abusive. I went up to them and said if they didn’t stop talking to him that way I would call the police. They replied in a not so friendly way, but left quickly. I was glad I said something. We should all protect children, they are innocent. Even when it’s verbal abuse.See something, say something. Especially if you are a mandated reporter.
Atticus Thraxx. Thank you for your comments. Yes, I work full time at Macy’s in Palo Alto. However, most days I work noon or so to 9:30, so I miss the traffic. I live in Concord, but when I started there some years ago I lived in Redwood City. I moved to Concord because housing on the Peninsula is very expensive and I have more friends over here, since I had lived here before. I even work at Macy’s Walnut Creek for several month. I keep asking for a transfer, but so far no luck. Will try again don’t want to do that commute this coming rain season. By the way the Macy’s at Stanford is even nice now, the whole store was just upgraded with new carpet, up dated dressing rooms etc.
I was at FoodMax about an hour ago and 2 kids were putting plastic bags over their heads. I almost said something to the mother but changed my mind because I probably would have cussed out the Mom.
Disease ridden Rugrats that’s real mature their children. And if they’re at risk of getting hurt instead of watching a parent struggle to get their kid maybe you should try helping them especially if you have any reason to be putting your two cents in in the first place otherwise walk away but you clearly don’t know sometimes children have disabilities that cause them to be the way that they are and a parent is doing the best they can the common sense to tell you when to get involved and when not to not to let a child get hurt when you could have stopped it and you know better than that parent Noah’s parents are okay with the fact of somebody protecting their child when they didn’t see it tends to wear in a helmet that’s parents job if you don’t like it well still talk to the parent it’s all in how you approach people and how you handle yourself as an adult it makes the situation better or worse some people just don’t know how to use their words clearly like some of the people on this site so don’t be ignorant if you can do something to help send do it otherwise shut up about it
@Loving Mom Harness and leash if they won’t respond to verbal commands. Your kids, your problem.
It’s very clear that some people don’t have children or they don’t know how to talk to others . Some children have disabilities that cause them to act out running around be careless and not sink the things are serious but that they are a game only able to protect them or catch up to them cuz they’re much quicker and if you see that they’re going to be harmed or it’s a possibility instead of staring at that child running amok why don’t you sit there and try to help them unless you don’t know how to stop a child without throwing them on the ground or hurting them keep going about your business the people who don’t know how to talk to others are going to sit on here and make ignorant comments and believe that they need to mind their own business and for that case they probably should cuz I sure don’t know how to talk on here the fact of the matter is is if you see a child who’s going to get hurt do something don’t go cussing out their parents don’t go grabbing on them all crazy because that’s when you’re going to get a reaction that isn’t Pleasant I have yet to have a parent get mad because I protect their child from getting hurt but you just as much at fault if you don’t do anything and you could have
Wow… Rant… Please take some time and re-write this. I think you might have something important to say. but doubt most won’t read past your 3rd sentence.
@Loving Mom, If you can’t read or write, I’m not going to take your advise to seriously.
@Loving Mon A harness and leash. Their your problem not mine.
I read every word. Only because that was the most impressive run-on sentence I’ve ever seen. She seems angry about something.
What 3rd sentence?The entire post is one sentence.
Loving mom,please learn how to write or no one will take you seriously
@Anon, If you can’t read or write, I’m not going to take your advice too seriously.
A lot of people live in communities where people know how to parent properly, and they don’t have to get involved. Responsible parents are usually surrounded by other responsible parents.
Perhaps I should rephrase that…. Loving Mom is missing her punctuation marks that designate the end of a sentence .
So go ahead and pick apart punctuation or lack of. Fact is whether its put right or not you can understand it . some people have to find excuses for being ignorant instead of seeing the point of it . if you have the ability to save or protect a child do it or mind your own business and keep pushing . so pick apart how it is presented if you must. Thats fine but it is no reason to be ignorant and discredit the message for its misspellings and punctuations. We are to look out for the children and be adults about it. If you dont like it well oh well its called freedom of speach . good night and stay blessed. To my judgemental critics. Oh and thank you water cooler for making free speach a option.
Wow. Just…wow.
Complain about the criticisms of your writing all you want. Some subjects presented for discussion in the Water Cooler call for critical thinking and nuance, both of which are far more complicated than grammar and punctuation. So if you’re not able or willing to present your ideas with clear and concise writing, why should anyone give serious consideration to your input?
Good for you expressing your First Amendment Right. But… as you can see, nobody is really reading or considering you thoughts. That… is why you should really edit your writings….
You are missing the point of minding your own business. There is something commonly known as “boundaries.” Telling another parent how to parent doesn’t do the parent (or the child) any good. It makes you feel better. And this isn’t about you. I agree that if a child is in real danger (about to be hit by a car, etc.) it’s better to help the child yourself than tell the parent what to do. But telling another parent how to parent is being a busybody. And it should be against your better judgment. I’ll give credit where credit is due. Your heart is in the right place. I believe you really love children, and so do I.
Sometimes they don’t have anything else to pick on except your commas, spelling, or sentence structure.. But, generally, if your’e a sloppy writer, you probably do everything else that way, too, include parenting your kids. It sounds you are trying to shove your kids discipline off on somebody else, frankly.
Loving mom,
You have a lot of nerve calling anyone else ignorant after that mess that you posted. And complaining about not having free speech only proves your ignorance.
Crickets…
It depends on the circumstances, but generally I would bring something to the attention of the parent if they were unaware, and have I’d hate to be haunted the rest of my life (and I probably would) by not saying something that may have made a difference. I don’t recall anyone bringing anything to my attention, but I don’t think I’d mind. I do remember watching a few horrifying near disasters with my own kid as they played out in front of me as if in slow motion like in a movie, but no one had alerted me anything was about to go wrong beforehand. In retrospect I can say with certainty I would’ve appreciated not having to experience those moments of terror