The Water Cooler – Your Favorite Quotes

May 23, 2018 12:00 pm · 87 comments

The “Water Cooler” is a feature on Claycord.com where we ask you a question or provide a topic, and you talk about it.

The “Water Cooler” will be up Monday-Friday at noon.

Give us your favorite quotes. They can be funny, serious, inspirational etc.

Talk about it….

martinezmike May 23, 2018 at 12:03 PM

“We are the ones we’ve been waiting for”

Spark Baldman May 23, 2018 at 12:09 PM

“We didnt quit when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor”

HappyPappy May 23, 2018 at 12:10 PM

The Golden Rule:
He who has the gold makes the rules.

Phoenyx May 23, 2018 at 12:13 PM

“Never anger a woman who knows how to use power tools.”
-Me

Darwin May 23, 2018 at 12:16 PM

“You can’t fix stupid”
“Liberalism is a mental disease”
“Sometimes, you just have to say, what the f**k” Risky business

RIPPY May 23, 2018 at 12:17 PM

“60% of the time, it works every time.”

Simonpure May 23, 2018 at 12:19 PM

“It’ll feel better when it stops hurting”

Dawg May 23, 2018 at 12:25 PM

Political correctness is tyranny with manners.

scott May 23, 2018 at 12:29 PM

“Luke! You know it be True! I AM your Father!”

whatever May 23, 2018 at 12:38 PM

play stupid games, win stupid prizes

Cellophane May 23, 2018 at 12:39 PM

“Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so, too.” – Evelyn Beatrice Hall

Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. Plato

Gargoyle May 23, 2018 at 12:42 PM

“I’m from the government and here to help” Ballot theft;
Election officials said my mail in ballot was sent on 5/7/18 but I have not received it. They are sending a new one with a different ballot number but it does not necessarily cancel out the old one. I had to pry this info from their telephone operator. I am a registered republican and this is very suspicious activity.

ChampagneKitty May 23, 2018 at 12:44 PM

I have this book of daily Taoist meditations and this is my favorite one, especially when I’m feeling overwhelmed or stressed:

Fire cools. Water seeks its own level.

No matter how extreme a situation is, it will change. It cannot continue forever. Thus, a great forest fire is always destined to burn itself out; a turbulent sea will become calmer. Natural events balance themselves out by seeking their opposites, and this process of balance is at the heart of all healing.
This process takes time. If an event is not great, the balancing required is slight. If it is momentous, then it may take days, years, even lifetimes for things to return to an even keel. Actually, without these slight imbalances, there could be no movement in life. It is being off balance that keeps life changing. Total centering, total balance would only be stasis. All life is continual destruction and healing, over and over again.
That is why, even in the midst of an extreme situation, the wise are patient. Whether the situation is illness, calamity, or their own anger, they know that healing will follow upheaval.

Amy May 23, 2018 at 5:18 PM

Great post Ms. Kitty.

SeeK May 23, 2018 at 12:48 PM

“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt”…..

…Lucy Van Pelt (Charles Schultz)

Concord Grape May 23, 2018 at 12:48 PM

If at first you don’t succeed, use a bigger hammer
Do it to others before they do it to you

Foonman May 23, 2018 at 12:49 PM

” I started with nothing and I have most of that left”.

Foonman May 23, 2018 at 12:50 PM

“Never trust a smiling dog, or a naked bus driver”

marinemom May 23, 2018 at 12:51 PM

Don Vito Corleone: I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse.

Roz May 23, 2018 at 1:05 PM

This was from one of my daughter’s friends, it motivates me:
Your life is meant to be Lived, How are You Living Today?

Bob May 23, 2018 at 1:08 PM

Don’t eat yellow snow!!!

Original G May 23, 2018 at 1:13 PM

“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with azzholes.”

“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”
Albert Einstein

“Going to trial with a lawyer who considers your whole life-style a Crime in Progress is not a happy prospect.”
Hunter S. Thompson

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
Erma Bombeck

Fore! May 23, 2018 at 1:14 PM

Golf is the most fun you can have… with your clothes on. 🙂
Chi Chi Rodriguez

Cowellian May 23, 2018 at 1:14 PM

Silence in the face of evil is itself evil:
God will not hold us guiltless.
Not to speak is to speak.
Not to act is to act.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Curious May 23, 2018 at 1:16 PM

“You may be young and beautiful, but I’m older and have more insurance”
— From Fried Green Tomatoes.

ME May 23, 2018 at 1:17 PM

“Stop it, I mean it!” (Vizzini)
“Anybody want a peanut” (Fezzik)

biggus thinkus May 23, 2018 at 3:56 PM

omg, the Princess Bride, awesome call!

Reality says... May 23, 2018 at 1:32 PM

A man’s riches are not counted in his hand.

Victim May 23, 2018 at 1:44 PM

I would not be caught dead with a necrophiliac

biggus thinkus May 23, 2018 at 1:45 PM

“No matter where you go, there you are!”
-The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai

Dorothy May 23, 2018 at 4:06 PM

Ah, I was going use that one.

It’s actually from a very old SciFi short story later made into a movie.

Michael Langley May 23, 2018 at 1:58 PM

“You’re just jealous because the voices are talking to me.”

Paladin May 23, 2018 at 2:05 PM

You’re killin’ me Smalls!

Shoulda Coulda May 23, 2018 at 2:06 PM

Groucho says-

Those are my principles and if you don’t like
them, well I have others.

Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend.
Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening.
But this wasn’t it.

I don’t want to belong to any club that
would accept me as a member.

Paladin May 23, 2018 at 2:07 PM

You’re killin’ me, Smalls, you’re killin’ me!

paranoid pablito May 23, 2018 at 2:15 PM

Not my circus, not my monkey.
Polish proverb

just1dering May 24, 2018 at 9:10 AM

Not my pig, not my farm

Randy May 23, 2018 at 2:17 PM

Never pass up a memory. – Tim Riggins

All those who wonder are not lost- JRR Tolkein

Rollo Tomasi May 23, 2018 at 4:30 PM

It’s “wander” but your version works for some people here.

The Observer May 23, 2018 at 2:17 PM

“Ignorance is no excuse for the law.”
Mom

covfee May 23, 2018 at 2:20 PM

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.”
– Samuel Beckett

“We live in a society in which spurious realities are manufactured by the media, by governments, by big corporations, by religious groups, political groups. I ask, in my writing, ‘What is real?’ Because unceasingly we are bombarded with pseudo realities manufactured by very sophisticated people using very sophisticated electronic mechanisms.”
– Phillip K. Dick

“Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent.”
– Isaac Asimov

“Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what’s right.”
– Isaac Asimov

“Anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that ‘my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.’”
– Isaac Asimov

“Brevis esse laboro, obscurus fio.”
– Horace

Jojo Potato May 23, 2018 at 2:20 PM

Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.
Mark Twain

Patrick Boucher May 23, 2018 at 2:21 PM

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

Kentucky Derby May 23, 2018 at 2:42 PM

“If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.”

Ricardoh May 23, 2018 at 2:42 PM

“Read my lips” that wasn’t Hot Lips” Houlihan
“Peace in our time” No that wasn’t President Trump. .
“Go ahead back up” Wasn’t Lou Costello.

The Mamba May 23, 2018 at 2:57 PM

“m going to plead with you, do not cross us. Because if you do, the survivors will write about what we do here for 10,000 years.” General James Mattis to a group of Iraqi leaders.

Barney May 23, 2018 at 2:57 PM

There is one thing that will keep man in everlasting ignorance, and that is contempt prior to examination. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Elwood May 23, 2018 at 3:03 PM

The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people’s money. –Margaret Thatcher

Can't Decide May 23, 2018 at 3:19 PM

I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

Will Rogers

Angel May 23, 2018 at 4:10 PM

Woman, without a man, is like a fish without a bicycle.

Enough May 23, 2018 at 4:21 PM

“Every path has it puddles” – Eeyore

“Be a voice, not an echo” – Albert Einstein

Don’t Grow Up … It’s a trap… – unknown

Dawg May 23, 2018 at 4:27 PM

All people are born alike, except Republicans and Democrats.
-Groucho Marx

KBB May 23, 2018 at 4:35 PM

I am slidin’ down the razor blade of life.
– a trombone player

KBB May 23, 2018 at 4:36 PM

I’m just slidin’ down the razor blade of life.
– a trombone player

Angel May 23, 2018 at 4:37 PM

Woman, without a man, is like a fish without a bicycle.

Atticus Thraxx May 23, 2018 at 4:54 PM

You are,
What you do,
When it counts. – The Maseo, Armor

RSD May 23, 2018 at 5:04 PM

“Pigs get fat, but hogs get slaughtered”

Mrs. Z May 23, 2018 at 5:09 PM

90% of the game is half the battle. ~ John Madden

Doh May 23, 2018 at 5:56 PM

What is mind? No matter
What is matter? Never mind

Boris Karloff in a cheesy mad scientist movie, “They think I’m mad. Well I’ll show them I’ll show them all.”
(That kept my brothers and I laughing for a week with variations of the I’m the only sane person in the world.)

ClayDen May 23, 2018 at 6:17 PM

Simplicate and add lightness – Ed Heinemann, aircraft designer

Helicopters really can’t fly – they’re just so ugly, the earth repels them – author unknown

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you – C. Maxwell Stanlet

No matter how bad things appear, remember, you can always make them worse – old NASA saying

If everything seems to be under control, you’re just not going fast enough – Mario Andretti

To infinity and beyond! – Buzz Lightyear

Confucius May 23, 2018 at 6:23 PM

Man with clock always know the time. Man with two clocks – not sure.

CoolMusicFan May 23, 2018 at 6:24 PM

Any Yogi Berra quote! He was the best.

paranoid pablito May 23, 2018 at 6:33 PM

What a fantastic question Mr. Mayor! I’m seeing so many to add to my arsenal.

Lena May 23, 2018 at 6:37 PM

“You know where you stand in a hell hole.” line from the chorus of a song in the movie “Spinal Tap.”

“Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” Michael Corleone in the movie “Godfather”

Abbie R. May 23, 2018 at 6:59 PM

“Tune In, Turn On, and Drop Out”. a quote from the Human Be In 1967.

Mr. Fixit May 23, 2018 at 7:03 PM

“Badges?…I don’t got to show you no stinkin’ badges.”

nytemuvr May 23, 2018 at 7:30 PM

“A man’s GOT to know his limitations.”-Harry Callahan
https://youtu.be/_VrFV5r8cs0

stumpy May 23, 2018 at 7:35 PM

K,I,S,S Keep it simple stupid

Kirkwood May 23, 2018 at 7:47 PM

It takes nine months to produce a baby no matter how many women are assigned to the project.

Silva May 23, 2018 at 7:49 PM

“Pretty is as pretty does.” My mother.

Kirkwood May 23, 2018 at 7:49 PM

In the military and corporate world, contrary to the laws of physics, heat travels down.

CDE Watcher May 23, 2018 at 8:10 PM

If confirmed, I will be a strong advocate for great public schools

– Betsy DeVos

Did I Say That Out Loud May 23, 2018 at 8:29 PM

Never piss off the person packing your parachute.

M May 23, 2018 at 8:40 PM

You can’t legislate common sense.

Dr Jellyfinger May 23, 2018 at 8:43 PM

It’s amusing to see an oId phony LlberaI come face-to-face with his principIes.

Monsignor Ryan in “Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner”

Dr Jellyfinger May 23, 2018 at 9:52 PM

“Now what kind of an attitude is that, these things happen? They only happen because this whole country is just full of people, who when these things happen, they just say these things happen, and that’s why they happen!”

Mrs. Marcus
Its a Mad Mad Mad Mad World – 1963

Cheesehead May 24, 2018 at 2:24 AM

I’d rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy!

grandmato3 May 24, 2018 at 6:43 AM

‘Never look down on someone unless you are helping him up’
Jesse Jackson

DD May 24, 2018 at 7:16 AM

“Good Judgment comes from experience
and experience, well, that comes from bad judgment.”

bored@work May 24, 2018 at 7:23 AM

Being an adult is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done

AlwaysBePositive May 24, 2018 at 7:35 AM

If you don’t have a seat at the table, you are probably on the menu.

DD May 24, 2018 at 7:47 AM

“Stupid people are like glow sticks, I want to snap them and shake them until the light comes on.”

CampDakota May 24, 2018 at 7:50 AM

– Worrying is misuse of your imagination
– To a bald person … “Grass doesn’t grow on a busy street”

Bad Nombre May 24, 2018 at 8:25 AM

“Never ascribe to malice that which can best be explained by incompetence”.

Captain Bebops May 24, 2018 at 9:00 AM

“They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.” – Benjamin Franklin

Aspirin May 24, 2018 at 9:23 AM

“Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats”

–H.L. Mencken

Steven May 25, 2018 at 4:00 AM

“Hey I’m gonna give you till the count of 10 to get your ugly yellow no good Kister off my property before I pump your guts full of led.. 1, 2, 10…”

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