Water Cooler – Women Proposing to Men

May 5, 2014 12:00 pm · 47 comments

The “Water Cooler” is a feature on Claycord.com where we ask you a question or provide a topic, and you talk about it!

The “Water Cooler” will be up Monday-Friday at noon!

Today’s question:

What’s your opinion on women proposing to men? Is it socially acceptable, or do you think proposing marriage is something for the woman’s boyfriend to deal with?

Talk about it….

1 TinFoiler May 5, 2014 at 12:10 PM

Is marriage socially acceptable? Quickest way to strip rights away from the man and sign over your children to the State as the State becomes the Head of your Union aka Contract / Legal Agreement.
Argue and deny it all you like ~ but do some research before sticking your foot in your mouth.
And yes – the Man should show interest, but that does not mean enshrining a Female as some kind of god.

2 Propose May 5, 2014 at 12:13 PM

I’m traditional, so I personally would not propose to my boyfriend. I do believe however that it’s not uncommon in today’s society for a woman to propose. It’s acceptable in this day and age. Although if he’s not proposing, that’s something to take in consideration as well.. Marriage should not be rushed! The divorce rate is above 50% in the United States and it wouldn’t be a bad idea to wait when both parties are ready to commit. #girltalk

3 Swivel Rights May 5, 2014 at 12:17 PM

Why not?

4 Nurse Ruth May 5, 2014 at 12:18 PM

Women basically do. They usually give the ultimateum and sit and wait.
Any guy that rushes to marry is compulsive and will usually be divorced soon.

5 Why not? May 5, 2014 at 12:24 PM

It’s not that unusual. If He won’t, She should,
and buy the the ring also.

6 Eddie spaghetti May 5, 2014 at 12:28 PM

Sheesh!!!……that’s what I’ve been waiting for!……here I am ladies, come n git me!!…….*must make over $150,000 a year*

7 in relationship May 5, 2014 at 12:29 PM

I think its good, but the only thing is that the guy may be thinking about it and then the girl proposes and hes not ready or hasnt thought it through and then he ends it there by saying no because she wants to jump into marriage too fast and he wasnt ready and then they break up. so its kind of a double edged sword.

8 Atticus Thraxx May 5, 2014 at 12:37 PM

Wonder how the gays and lesbians handle it. Whoever has the biggest hands proposes? Maybe by income? Life is getting complicated.

9 Dorothy May 5, 2014 at 12:40 PM

If one doesn’t propose the other could at least ask why. Considering high divorce rates and multiple marriages, there is no need to rush into it – from either side of the proposal.

10 Just Dropping By May 5, 2014 at 12:46 PM

I agree with “Why Not?” If the girl proposes then she should buy the ring. That will teach her to overstep her bounds.

11 Sure, why not? May 5, 2014 at 12:47 PM

I’ve been happily married for over thirty years, so I really don’t have a horse in the race.

I don’t see anything wrong with it. As long as you’re in love, and ready for marriage.

The biggest concern is marrying the “right person” for you, not who asks who.

12 Objectively.... May 5, 2014 at 12:54 PM

What difference does it make?

In abnormal California, men can propose to men and women can propose to women.

13 You have to be kidding! May 5, 2014 at 12:57 PM

Who asks is not important now days. I would really hope that this is something that is discussed and the asking is just a formality. If you are stupid enough to ask someone to marry you without knowing the answer in advance you are in for a big surprise. I asked my husband to marry me but that’s because I was the first one to here it was now legal for us to get married. I am so glad we didn’t wait since Prop. 8 was coming down the line.

14 Johnny Ringo May 5, 2014 at 1:02 PM

Trust me, the woman doesn’t come right out and ask. But SHE is the one that makes it happen. ;-)

15 Not necessarily May 5, 2014 at 1:06 PM

No, unless she is willing to break off their relationship if he says no. You don’t have to be a person that long to know if he will ever pop the question.

16 ButtOfCourse May 5, 2014 at 1:12 PM

But of course. This is the land of equal opportunity. :)

17 I have never much cared for May 5, 2014 at 1:31 PM

the common ideal of Marriage. I don’t think the state has anything to with marriage. Each persons faith should be more important than the state.

Marriage is an agreement, between a man and a woman, to share their lives together. Everything else is tradition, custom or lunacy.

18 Darwin May 5, 2014 at 1:40 PM

Don’t get married. Women make better girlfriends than wives. That has been my humble experience. They try so much harder until they get the ring. Marriage ruined my great relationship and I lost half my stuff and retirement. :(

19 Incognito May 5, 2014 at 1:42 PM

My husband and I have been married 19 years, first marriages for the two of us at age 34. I don’t recall a real “proposal” from him nor from me to him, because we already knew the answer and the direction we were going.

There’s no right or wrong here. Tradition, as we all know it in our world today, is fading away. Do what works for you.

20 Betty May 5, 2014 at 2:31 PM

Oh, why not! As long as foots the bill.

21 gimli May 5, 2014 at 3:18 PM

Catholics believe that marriage is a sacrament. Reminds me of an Outkast line – “Thank God for Mom and Dad for sticking through together…”

Focus on not how the marriage developed but a lasting marriage based on mutual respect and self-realization. For better and worse.

22 Marriage does not necessarily mean the same thing... May 5, 2014 at 3:51 PM

…to males as it does to females. Biologically, males have a very different set of sexual priorities hardwired into them than their female counter parts, which affect how they value a mate at different stages of life. Physically, the male has a lot to lose and sacrifice when getting married.

On paper, it shouldn’t matter who asks. Love conquers all, right? In reality, females are the only one to gain anything from this social contract. Aside from a long list of benefits, they have locked in their mate from other rivals and have claimed him for life. Although both partners gain, hopefully (knock on wood), a loving companion for life through marriage, males are put into a very hard battle of ignoring their strong biological urges to mate with multiple partners. I don’t care how much of an angel a husband is or how good the wife is in the sack, fighting that urge happens to all married males at some point of the relationship and it’s why most cases of infidelity land squarely on the male hooking up with someone else.

This is also why bachelor parties are highly sexual (one last taste before being locked down). This is also the “unspoken” reason why most males dread commitment.

It’s not that females don’t have their own sexual desires or that it is unheard of for them to want multiple mates, but overwhelmingly, the male needs to be mentally ready to make that physical sacrifice or they will not commit. So, yeah, females can ask if they want. Just prepare for either a lot of rejection or a cheating husband who was guilted into saying yes.

23 I'm Your Huckleberry May 5, 2014 at 4:09 PM

@22
You just spilled your beans by admitting you are a male chauvinist pig. How’s that working out for you nowadays?

24 any woman who pines away wating for a proposal on bended knee May 5, 2014 at 4:10 PM

is setting herself up for a lifetime of being property….

25 Staistically Speaking May 5, 2014 at 4:10 PM

Staistically speaking, here goes nothing. Along the lines of happiness, who’s the happiest?

1. Married men
2. Single Women
3. Married Women
4. Single Men

These stats have been out for years. If you’re not into stats, they mean nothing.

But if married men are the happiest, and single men are the most miserable, if nothing else, men need women more than women need men.

I’m the FIRST TO ADMIT I need my wife more than she needs me. But we do have a long term, successful marriage.

I’m saddened that single women consider themselves happier than married women. But I’m not surprised. Men put women through hell.

26 dilligafman May 5, 2014 at 4:26 PM

She asked me-I said yes but as time went on I found out things that changed it all. changed my answer to NO!!!

27 What security May 5, 2014 at 4:41 PM

What a woman making a decision without checking with her husband first.
The next thing they are gonna want to start wearing pants.

28 Nothing wrong with it. May 5, 2014 at 5:18 PM

I would be honored to have a woman propose to me. I’d have to say no, though, because I’m already happily married.

29 Marianne May 5, 2014 at 5:43 PM

I would propose again to my ex husband, but he is such an idiot.

30 Being realistic = chauvenistic? Whatever makes you feel better. May 5, 2014 at 6:32 PM

Which part made you mad? That I spoiled your fantasy and informed you that males and females are not biologically the same? That sexuality and it’s values can be different things to different people and, *shock*, they are blatantly different between large groups of heterosexual males and females (and that the concept of marriage can be counter to what one group is programmed, by nature, to desire)? That marriage, as we practice it in today’s society, is a ritual that heavily favors one spouse’s desires over the other?

Like, I don’t know. Do you typically shoot the messenger when they bring you information you can’t handle? Or do you prefer being lied to about how things actually are?

Okay. Okay. I’ll take the latter to make you feel better. Sorry science! Sorry logic! You’re going to have to take a back seat on this one! Let me clear my Internet voice first. Ahem, ahem! memememememe! Okay:

“#23, you’re right. Males and females are exactly the same, except one has a penis and the other has a vagina. Sex and love are the same thing, always, every time, to every one. Females should initiate the marriage proposal because both partners will be celebrated equally. The bride will wear a bland tux and both parents will split the cost of the wedding. Mother nature, or maybe match.com, has blessed these two people to find their perfect mate. Out of 7 billion people living on earth, they beat the odds and found the only person they will ever be sexually interested in. Everyone is equal.”

I hope, some day, science and logic becomes cool again with the teens.

31 ClayDen May 5, 2014 at 6:52 PM

@Nurse Ruth #4

Is getting engaged 7 weeks after meeting rushing into it? Well, we’re about to celebrate 43 years of a very happy marriage.

32 Sharla May 5, 2014 at 7:23 PM

I love my husband, I would ask him over and over again.

33 Elwood May 5, 2014 at 10:12 PM

@ I’m Your Huckleberry #22

No, he just admitted he’s a male, telling it like it is.

34 Elwood May 5, 2014 at 10:15 PM

I’ve been propositioned by a woman but never proposed to.

35 VikingPrincess May 6, 2014 at 12:32 AM

Wow…what a thread. You’re asking a person who’s grandfather had to present a dowry of cows, sheep, steer, goats and chickens. LOL

Personally, I am traditional….or for the two to decide to do it…which is what happened when my grandparents met. They just knew. Married till the end. Grandmother recently passed (after grandpa) at 99 years. She was waiting to be with Grandad. Talk about patience!!

36 The Mamba May 6, 2014 at 9:08 AM

No, it upsets the natural order of things. I am friends with lesbians, and they make fun of themselves for how quickly they move in together. Women would be proposing on the third date.

37 Futurama May 6, 2014 at 9:27 AM

Like all things, the truth is in the good book. Marriage should be decided between the parents of the couple, if the dowry is reasonable, and your burnt offering is accepted by God, then you should only need to make sure the marriage is sanctioned by the local holy men. Of course with kids growing so quickly these days it needs to be done early. 12 comes so quickly in this day and age.

38 Mac May 6, 2014 at 9:28 AM

My wife asked me. (34 years ago)

39 The dowry among other things... May 6, 2014 at 9:55 AM

Viking Princess. I like your response. Just the facts ma’am.

I am also from a traditional family with a progressive twist. I think it is genetic because of my Mormon heritage and the kick A* women that were a part of my upbringing.

As for me, I proposed. As a female, I like to get things categorized and efficient. I love Dr.Laura’s take on relationships, even though I was one of the many that howled with laughter when she named the demon in each complaint. I don’t agree with all things traditional. But I believe marriage, fidelity, loyalty and honor belong in todays society. Very traditional.

40 Dutch May 6, 2014 at 10:43 AM

These days I don’t think it really matters who proposes to who. If both love each other what does it matter?

41 Nice Nancy May 6, 2014 at 1:11 PM

Awkward!

42 Idiocracy May 6, 2014 at 2:06 PM

I have no issue with it but tradition is tradition to me

43 Dr. Jellyfinger® May 6, 2014 at 8:35 PM

It depends on what the woman is proposing. A whiskey & Viagra fueled wild rodeo night gets a thumbs up from me (no pun intended). A marriage proposal? Sorry… I don’t even respond to crazy people.

44 Happy that I waited May 7, 2014 at 3:11 AM

I was engaged twice, once in my twenties, once in my thirties. Both times it was my fiance (the man) who kept pushing to get married, and I was saying wait awhile. It turned out neither of them were the ‘right’ man. I’ve been proposed to on a serious level over ten times, I said no. I knew I only wanted to get married once, if at all. When I met my husband at age 42, I knew within a couple of months that he was who I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I told him I wanted to marry him. He said the same. We got married ten months after we started dating. It’s a first marriage for us both. So far, we’ve been doing well, and I love him more every day. This year will be five years since we got hitched. (Oh, and I bought engagement rings for both of my ex-fiances, I figured it was fair that we both got rings.) I would have bought an engagement ring for my husband, but we ended up getting married before I could design one. We actually got our wedding rings, and my engagement ring, made after the wedding. By then, he only wanted to wear a wedding ring, since he’s not big into jewelry. My husband is also the only man that I asked out when we met, and the only one I said I wanted to marry first. I would have never imagined myself doing that with any man prior to him. I also never would have imagined getting married so fast after meeting.

45 Aspirin May 7, 2014 at 8:04 AM

The transition from girlfriend to wife is 180 degrees. During courtship the woman is planning for the changes she will make to the man after marriage. The man, not surprisingly, is thinking how nice it will be to have sex without paying for a dinner and movie for two. Advice to men: You are no longer in charge of your lives after you take your marriage vows. If your girlfriend proposes to you it is because you have been too slow and dumb to react to the clues she has been throwing your way during the years of the relationship. It is also a signal that she is definitely a take-charge personality and that could have dire consequences especially if you are the slovenly type who leaves your dirty underwear and socks on the floor. Plan on having a “man cave” even if it is in a large closet. You WILL need your own space from time to time. Get a hobby for men only, like collecting snakes and spiders. The wife will keep her distance. Above all remember this: You are not the boss. Women run this world. All we men can manage to do is to mess it up.

46 ClayDen May 7, 2014 at 7:41 PM

Aspirin, a little cynical????????????

47 Tradition? May 7, 2014 at 9:01 PM

It’s tradition for a man to propose? Really? Can we be that narrow-minded. This is the kind of stupid talk that causes women to feel unequal!

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