The Water Cooler – Baby’s Daddy Banned from the Delivery Room

March 12, 2014 12:21 pm · 64 comments

The “Water Cooler” is a feature on Claycord.com where we ask you a question or provide a topic, and you talk about it!

The “Water Cooler” will be up Monday-Friday at noon!

Should a woman have the right to ban the father of her baby from the delivery room while she’s having the child? (assuming the father doesn’t pose any harm or risk to the child & the mother)?

Talk about it!

1 JET March 12, 2014 at 12:29 PM

NO! It is ‘their’ baby, not ‘hers’. I hate how women lately think that since they are the one’s carrying and delivering the baby it is all theirs, when it is 1/2 the fathers!

2 Anonymous March 12, 2014 at 12:29 PM

Probably should have banned him 9 months previous.

3 The Mamba March 12, 2014 at 12:31 PM

Yes, she’s basically undergoing a very private medical procedure and if she wants privacy, she should have it. I personally would be fine if we went back to the Mad Men era and got to hang out and smoke cigars.

4 almost a dad March 12, 2014 at 12:33 PM

As an about-to-be first time dad, I think that’s the mom’s right…if the relationship went south before the baby was born, I wouldn’t want someone I despise in the delivery room with me…it’s already stressful enough. If the dad despises mom, who’s to stop him from being disruptive or somehow making things more difficult for mom?

Once the baby comes out, dad absolutely gets equal rights/access.

5 Enfield303 March 12, 2014 at 12:36 PM

If the mother doesn’t want the father there, then they have some relationship issues. If that’s the case, the mother should have the right to have whomever she wants with her. She doesn’t need unnecessary drama in an already touchy setting.

6 Brian March 12, 2014 at 12:39 PM

Wow, it’s sad we need laws and court precedents to govern that

7 Rob March 12, 2014 at 12:42 PM

IMHO – I think that was something the woman should have thought about prior to having sex with a guy she doesn’t want around when it comes time to have the baby.

Also, if she wants to ban the man from seeing the birth of the baby – which is his also – will she then be wanting from him later on?

8 Mimi (original) March 12, 2014 at 12:44 PM

This is a touchy situation, but I think I’m going to have to side with the opinions that the mother giving birth has every right to either have someone with her or kept out of the delivery room. Birth is no picnic and is an extremely vulnerable time for the mother – she should be as worry-free as possible. If my ex were in the room while I was giving birth I very likely would have thrown heavy objects at him as well as cursing at him like a longshoreman. Not conducive to the birthing process.

9 Yeh March 12, 2014 at 12:50 PM

This should all be discussed before a pregnancy.

10 J March 12, 2014 at 12:54 PM

Of course not.. It’s not HER baby. It’s both of theirs equally. Sexism still exists in many forms and it’s never just.

11 Julio March 12, 2014 at 1:07 PM

Dads in the delivery room has evolved over time. Years ago, that I remember, dads etc were not allowed in the delivery room. It is a very personal decision and up to the mother to be. It is nice some fathers want to be there but not all of them do. Many still pass out at the sight.

12 just a concordian March 12, 2014 at 1:08 PM

Interesting debate… I agree that the woman can have the right to refuse anyone to be in that delivery room.
And I agree with the judge’s ruling. It is a medical procedure, and the mother has to carry the baby to term.

However, this baby is the fruit of both of their labor and sadly that will only come into play when she starts demanding child support.

13 Anonymous March 12, 2014 at 1:13 PM

@Brian – my thoughts exactly. What on Earth has happened to our society that this question even needs to be asked??! WHY are “women” creating life with someone they would have to “ban” less than a year after deciding to create that life? (And I can already hear the “it was an accident” arguments but, you take the risk of creating life ANYTIME you decide to have sex) So much simpler when you stick to the rules….make a commitment to each other, get married, THEN have children.

14 landana March 12, 2014 at 1:14 PM

I don’t like it but I going to say yes. What if she got pregnant with an ex-boy friend and has since meet someone who wants to be there. What if he has no intention of being the baby’s life but was to be there to just make it uncomfortable for her. Normally I would say she has to deal with consuqinses of her mistakes, but its best for the baby that the mother focus on what she needs to do .

15 Agree with #4 March 12, 2014 at 1:15 PM

Sounds sensible to me…the mother gets to pick whom she wants in the delivery room (would be awful to have hostility in the labor room). Once the baby comes, the father would have all legal right/access to baby.

16 Mr. Pink March 12, 2014 at 1:16 PM

Sadly, yes.

17 Sunnymoon March 12, 2014 at 1:16 PM

Yes, she can. She can’t prevent him from seeing the baby once it’s born, but delivery is private.

18 Anon777 March 12, 2014 at 1:21 PM

Yes. After the baby is born, the father can petition for custody, visitation, whatever, but in the delivery room, it’s the woman’s body doing the work and she should have the say.

19 @JET #1 March 12, 2014 at 1:28 PM

Said- “I hate how women lately think that since they are the one’s carrying and delivering the baby it is all theirs, when it is 1/2 the fathers!”

If only every father would take 1/2 the responsibility!

This case is obviously because of a broken relationship. Just because a man is a sperm donor, doesn’t give him the right to be in the delivery room witnessing a very personal and private moment. The mother’s people can take a video to show him afterwards. It’s not his moment to claim. If he was involved, this wouldn’t be an issue.

Let’s see if he is as interested in the baby after it’s born.

20 ClayDen March 12, 2014 at 1:34 PM

In an ideal world of a loving married couple having a baby, they should both be there together to be a part of the miracle. The husband should play a significant role in supporting and helping his wife with the delivery. I was there for all five of mine and held them all by the time they were 10 minutes old. Amazing!

In a non-ideal situation, I think it would have to be dealt with on an individual basis. Creating a “one size fits all” rule or law is going to wind up being bad for most.

21 Michelle March 12, 2014 at 1:39 PM

What a topic! The baby’s daddy should be allowed any place the baby is. This shouldn’t even be up for discussion.

22 Hump Day March 12, 2014 at 1:49 PM

Wow! This is sad. I wish to assert my fifth amendment privilege.

God’s blessings to the family……

23 Unless these are some kind of right-wing Amish Muslim nutbags who conceived through a hole in the bed sheet March 12, 2014 at 1:59 PM

Dad should be allowed….

24 jm74 March 12, 2014 at 1:59 PM

I love my husband very much, but sometimes when I’m sick or trying to concentrate on something like getting a human out of my body, He’s very emotional and I am not and all his good intentions and loving support can be distracting. I find myself worrying about him more than myself and giving birth is not the time for that. With all that said I would never kick him out of the delivery room, but if I wanted to…I think I should have the right. As for fractured relationships…again, a woman has the right to be alone if that’s what it takes to get that kid out.

25 This is based on a actual event March 12, 2014 at 2:00 PM
26 Silva March 12, 2014 at 2:20 PM

When dads can give birth they earn an absolute right to be in the delivery room.

27 Schmee March 12, 2014 at 2:42 PM

Of course it’s ok. You want your ex boyfriend/girlfriend seeing your genitals?

28 Jess March 12, 2014 at 2:46 PM

The mother’s right to privacy trumps the father’s desire to see his child born. No one has an absolute right to be with his/her child at all times. Many divorced parents have legal agreements in place that define who has custody of a child at any given time.

29 Anonymous March 12, 2014 at 2:52 PM

Ugh been there and I didn’t like it much.

30 Connie Dobbs March 12, 2014 at 2:52 PM

It depends. Is he dressed like an umpire?

31 Clayton Pete March 12, 2014 at 3:11 PM

No-brainer. The mother can have whoever the heck she wants in that delivery room. If says no father, then no father.
Done.

32 Clayton Pete March 12, 2014 at 3:12 PM

Typo; I meant if SHE says no father, then no father.

33 Pegasus March 12, 2014 at 3:18 PM

Uhhh, catcher. Didn’t you mean catcher, Connie?

34 Barbara March 12, 2014 at 3:34 PM

I wish I had my husband passed out and they had to take care of him, as well as a premature daughter.

35 Shelly March 12, 2014 at 4:02 PM

I cursed at my husband for hours, especially if he tried to touch or otherwise comfort me, but he stayed anyway. If I really didn’t want him there though I’m sure he’d have been escortrd out.

36 mutts March 12, 2014 at 4:21 PM

What happened to the dumb, new age phrase, “we’re pregnant”? SHE’S PREGNANT AT DELIVERY TIME. Don’t know the answer except a father has a right to see his newborn’s first breath.

37 Suzanne March 12, 2014 at 4:23 PM

The “baby’s daddy” should always be allowed; if he doesn’t want to be there, then oh well what can you do?

38 Connie Dobbs March 12, 2014 at 4:34 PM

#33 The catcher doesn’t yell, “You’re out!”

39 Cristina March 12, 2014 at 4:35 PM

Everyone who insists that the dad has a right to be in the room are idiots! Giving birth can be very stressful and painful for woman not to mention that you just plain out lose all your body functions so it would be very ackward if you have an ex or casual encounter in the room with you. Just because someone is the father doesn’t give him the right to go through a private medical experience for the woman. He can meet the baby after the fact.

40 anonanonagain March 12, 2014 at 4:37 PM

Complicated issue. If the woman gets pregnant during a brief encounter or affair, she should have thought of this BEFORE embarking on a sexual relationship.Ditto for the father/stud. Wrap it up if you don’t want the risk of having a child. So many children are brought into this world with miserable parents that fight using the child as collateral.
I discussed this matter before we had our child and I wanted my husband in the delivery room to see our beautiful baby boy being born. How could I not let him have that experience??? It was truly something we shall never forget…..

41 skrab March 12, 2014 at 4:40 PM

Stupid question. In an ideal world, the mother would welcome the baby’s father into the delivery room, but we don’t live in an ideal world. The mother gets to decide who is in the delivery room. Presumably something awful must have happened if the mother doesn’t want the father in the delivery room.

42 Elwood March 12, 2014 at 4:42 PM

Absolutely!

43 Ted K., SuperMax March 12, 2014 at 4:47 PM

Single mothers-to be? Yes….should have every right exclude certain persons.

Mothers to-be that are married to the biological father of the child? No. Marriage has its privileges.

44 Murphy Brown March 12, 2014 at 5:33 PM

I don’t need no man!

45 TinFoiler March 12, 2014 at 5:53 PM

STOP having kids. I guess you haven’t been out in public lately, Got Gridlock? What world do you live in that makes you believe any of that gridlock is going to change? Dreamland.

46 bigjim March 12, 2014 at 6:00 PM

Connie Dobbs @ 38…funny!

47 Scoob March 12, 2014 at 6:05 PM

I agree a woman should be able to keep an ex out of the delivery room. Right after baby is born the man should have full access to the child and all medical records, as the law allows. I personally wish I was not in the delivery room when my son was born, and advise my male friends who are about to be Daddys that they may want to consider not being in there. I had imagined standing off to the side and was surprised when the doc told me to grab a knee… No matter how enlightened you are, watching a football-sized baby come out of your wife (not to mention the afterbirth) can be a game changer. No offense intended ladies.

48 Pegasus March 12, 2014 at 6:17 PM

Point taken, Dobbs.

49 OMG! Anonymous #13 March 12, 2014 at 6:17 PM

Are you serious? Why is SHE creating a baby with someone? What about the man keeping it in his pants? Not everyone has sex to have a baby. Contraception fails, but hey, that’s the risk.

Since it’s the woman who has to deal with the accidental pregnancy every single minute of every single day for nine months, there is no way the ex deserves a say about the delivery.

Now, once the baby is born he should step up and be a father.

50 Murry March 12, 2014 at 7:06 PM

Only if he don’t have Bronchitis!

51 Connie Dobbs March 12, 2014 at 7:14 PM

Thanks. I had to look that up. (grin)

52 Me March 12, 2014 at 7:21 PM

If the woman wants him to “step up and be a father,” she would probably want him in the room. If he’s good enough to collect child support from then he’s good enough to be in the room.

53 Anon March 12, 2014 at 7:42 PM

Only low life’s call them baby daddy. The correct English is father, moron.

54 Just me March 12, 2014 at 8:14 PM

Funny. Most women say its the woman’s choice, that the dad just donated the sperm but I bet that 100% of them would all agree that he should be financially liable for the child since he helped create it.

Double standard?

55 Shelly March 12, 2014 at 8:57 PM

Chuckle.

56 Dr. Jellyfinger® March 12, 2014 at 9:31 PM

I’ve been there 12 times and I gotta tell you, it’s enough to make you swear off women for a while. Once you’ve watched a little person squeeze outa there… ohh… and all the blood & mucus! Think about that image next time you saddle up! Guaranteed soft on.

57 Ac45 March 12, 2014 at 9:38 PM

For those saying, “no matter what he should be allowed, she shouldn’t have had sex then, blah blah…”

Would you have rather she had an abortion?

I feel that most of those who are saying the father has absolute rights would also be the same ones to be against abortion. I’m pro-choice, but seriously, be glad she’s keeping it.

58 ale March 12, 2014 at 11:26 PM

Until that baby is born it is part of the mother’s body and the mother gets to choose what happens with her body.

59 J March 13, 2014 at 12:20 AM

A mother having any more say than a father (based on SOLELY her BEING the mother, and barring extraneous variables) is sexist and wrong.

The baby being physically inside the mother’s body is irrelevant. A baby IS (fact, not opinion) half the mother and half the father. So the baby, even while inside the mother’s body, is only half (sounds cold, but for the sake of the argument) the mother’s. A baby cannot, and never will be, only the mother’s. It’s not how reproduction works. This is basic human science people. As far as reproduction goes, women are useless without men, and men are useless without women. Saying anything different is sexism, pure and simple.

60 WhosTheDaddy March 13, 2014 at 2:24 AM

Sometimes you have to guess, and that usually makes everyone unhappy.

61 Yes March 13, 2014 at 6:47 AM

Yes, I do think that the woman should be able to make the decision on who should be allowed in the birthing room. If she doesn’t want the bio-dad there, then so be it.

62 Lorelei March 13, 2014 at 11:35 AM

He should wait at The Olive Garden…………

63 Julio March 13, 2014 at 7:33 PM

anon, I have to agree with the “baby daddy” thing. I’m with you. Low class, no class. Does the birth certificate now say ‘baby daddy’? I hope not.

64 Drive Safe March 14, 2014 at 10:22 AM

The mother absolutely has the right to decide who will be in the delivery room, other than the medical personnel required for the procedure. As far as the (predominantly) men making the argument that the woman should not get any say if she wants child support; that is a decision that the man should have thought about before having several minutes of pleasure that will cost him eighteen years of legally enforced financial obligation.

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