The Real Housewife of Claycord – Gym Etiquette, Coyotes, Grab & Run + More

January 3, 2013 14:17 pm · 35 comments

The Real Housewife of Claycord – Every Thursday at 2:17pm on

Happy New Year, Claycordians!

This week, I’d like to chat about proper etiquette at the gym!

I go to the gym about four times a week, mostly in the very early morning. The week of January 1st is always the best week to be at the gym, only because it’s the best time to watch people, and we all know that I LOVE to watch people!

Usually, the gym is almost empty when I go in the morning, but this week, it’s booming! There are people there from all walks of life, which I love to see, but if you’re new to the gym, you need to take a lesson in proper gym etiquette.

Let me give you a quick rundown:

  • If you sweat all over the equipment, please wipe it off with one of the complimentary towels offered throughout the facility. If your gym does not offer towels, then bring some, because nobody likes butt-sweat on the exercise bike.
  • No matter how nice your body looks, speedos are never ok, I repeat, never ok.
  • Nobody wants to see you flex in front of the mirrors.
  • When on a treadmill, it is not ok to sing along with the music you’re listening to. And keep that music down, because I’m sick of “gangham style”, and “we, are never ever ever ever, getting back together”.
  • Share with others! If you’re on a piece of equipment, don’t sit (or stand) on the equipment and talk on your phone. Always keep in mind that somebody else probably wants to use what you’re using, so GET OFF!
  • This might be something difficult to understand for some people, but the gym isn’t the place to find a date, so stop dressing like you’re looking for the man of your dreams, because you probably won’t find him at the gym. (sorry, meatheads).
  • Please, for the love of God, wear deodorant.

Anybody else have any gym etiquette tips for the newbies?

Moving on….

A few things I saw (and heard) around Claycord this week:

  • I saw a “grab & run” at Target this week. It was funny because the Target Employee (TE) in the electronics department said “the camera wasn’t in the box”. Apparently the thief asked to see a camera so the TE brought out the box, but had already taken the camera out. Before the TE had a chance to hand the guy the camera, the thief grabbed the box out of the employee’s hand and took off running without realizing the TE was holding the camera in the other hand. Loser.
  • Coyotes! Did anybody hear the coyotes on Tuesday night in the Lime Ridge area? Amazing to hear those little creatures howling on a chilly night.
  • And speaking of coyotes, there was a dead one on Ygnacio this past weekend. So sad to see such a beautiful animal laying lifeless on the side of the road.

The Real Housewife of Claycord Housetip of the Week:

  • Buildup on shower doors: Wipe with lemon oil. Removes buildup and keeps doors protected longer from future buildup.

That’s it for this week.

I hope you all have a wonderful week, see you next Thursday at 2:17pm!

It’s time for me to go make a pie!

This week, it’s a Mudslide Pie . Here’s the recipe. I’ve tried this one before, it’s like Heaven in your mouth.

Love you all.

The Real Housewife of Claycord xxoo

North Gate Rose January 3, 2013 at 2:41 PM

Each and every week I read your column and each and every week I regret doing so. This one was less disgusting as you did not relay any stories of infant fecal matter.

the real reader of claycord January 3, 2013 at 2:47 PM


JW January 3, 2013 at 2:49 PM

Please do not hog equipment. Please place weights back where they belong. Certain behaviors do not belong in a gym locker room, they belong at home.

Cowellian January 3, 2013 at 2:53 PM

Get your shower and get dressed. Seriously, nobody is impressed just because you lounge naked around the locker room for another half hour. Go somewhere else to troll./ul>

Jody January 3, 2013 at 2:57 PM

I love hearing the coyotes, too, especially when it sounds like they’re in the State Park right behind our house! And the pie sounds absolutely delish, I’m going to keep the recipe handy and make it after I can be sure no one at work will whine about me bringing it in so soon after the holidays! Thanks much!

Meathead January 3, 2013 at 3:05 PM

Is it OK to let my coyote use the treadmill?

Bob January 3, 2013 at 3:10 PM

Please, no cell phones, limit yourself to 20 minutes on a machine and do not change the TV channel unless you ask the people around you.

Jim Etiquette January 3, 2013 at 3:10 PM

Great Tips and points. In the 30 years I’ve been going to a gym I’ve encountered everyone of the items you mentioned. A few others to add to the list:
1 – It’s ok to say “excuse me” when walking in front of me while I’m doing a particular exercise
2 – Put your weights away after using!!! Your Momma isn’t here to pick-up after you.
3 – Ladies, yes I know I have an incredible body. You don’t have to always remind me.
4 – Loud Grunts and Groans are best left
#3 was a joke by the way. Did I mention I’ve been a meathead for almost 30 years?

Claycordette January 3, 2013 at 3:13 PM

I don’t know….if it weren’t for the guys flexing and the women dressing to be picked up, it would be very boring. I like being able to snicker at the absurdity of it.

the real super man January 3, 2013 at 3:42 PM

I guess claycord is not happy with me due to not posting my comments. So at this time I would like to say sorry if I offended anybody. And goodbye hope you all have a Happy New Year. 🙁

Edith Bunker January 3, 2013 at 3:50 PM

another hint…mind your own business at the gym!
Live and let live

JDB January 3, 2013 at 4:05 PM

This reminds me of why I don’t belong to a gym — YUCK! (I prefer the outdoors …. rain or shine people!! I have to get out and walk the dog – it’s a requirement of being a good pet owner….) speaking of pet owners, keep your cats inside at night so they don’t become coyote food!!

Ale January 3, 2013 at 4:19 PM

I have to disagree with the 20 minute thing on equipment. I will never join a gym that has this rule. I am not there to run 2 miles…I am there to run my full 5-6 miles. Who the heck works out for only 20 minutes anyway?

5150 January 3, 2013 at 4:19 PM

I don’t mind it when people show up to gym looking hot…it’s good motivation for me to keeping working on my own body! Rather, what really bothers me is when there are people who are exercising in their jeans and flip flops, or some other type of non-workout attire. You can get decent workout clothes for cheap at Target nowadays…no excuses for wearing khaki shorts and holy undershirts to the gym.

And I definitely second the request for people to wipe down the machine after getting it all sweaty. Other people’s sweat is just icky.

Geezer January 3, 2013 at 4:31 PM

The Gym rule I like is:
“No bare butts on the benches in the locker room”. Use a towel for gosh sakes.
I agree about wiping down equpiment.
Don’t drop or slam your weights on the floor or let the machine drop. We all know your strong, we don’t need your to show us how much weight you used.
Be courteous. It’s not a crime.

Except January 3, 2013 at 4:39 PM

I want hot women in the gym…reminds me why I’m working out!

Kirk January 3, 2013 at 4:54 PM

I put my German Shepherd on the tread mill all of the time. He gets upset if he doesn’t get his turn. He used to try and jump on while I was on it, now I put up baby gates to keep from being tackled.

Holier Than Thou January 3, 2013 at 5:30 PM

I’m a ‘Claycordian’ am therefore above any gym etiquette that has been set forth to govern you peasants!!! now lie in my sweat you fools!

Oh Poo January 3, 2013 at 6:03 PM

Please talk sh%t next week so North-hate Rosie (# 1) doesn’t miss out. I’d hate for her to go away! {{wink}}

contra5costa January 3, 2013 at 6:12 PM

I agree with the Gym Story except the 20 minutes. Being older I need to go a good 30 minutes on the bikes. I can not see going more however some people do and that is fine.
About the Coyotes they are beautiful animals and now is a good time to remember to keep you pets inside at night,they are hungry in the winter months.

tony little January 3, 2013 at 7:03 PM


Dorothy January 3, 2013 at 7:22 PM

Got tired of cleaning the shower door so had it removed. Shower curtains with a lining that can be replaced is prettier.

Mr. John January 3, 2013 at 9:11 PM

People have the freedom to dress as they wish. If they decide to enter property beonging to another, thenthey must conform to the dress code of the owner of the property. Other guests of the property do not get to dictate that dress code. You don’t get to say that speedos are not allowed. You can’t tell people to “stop dressing like you’re looking for the man of your dreams”. That is not your right.

You can say, “I don’t like it when you dress like that.” That was fine. But you can’t say, “Don’t do it.”

And I can in turn say, “I like seeing people feel confident and secure in their appearance. I hope to get myself back to the point where I feel that good about myself.”

Stay Home January 3, 2013 at 9:19 PM

How about you stay home if you’re going to people watch! You’re one less open car spot for people who actually workout. You’re also one less weirdo who stares at people.

Diesel January 3, 2013 at 10:46 PM

Biggest piece of advice is please only use one piece of equipment at a time

I go to the 24 in the mall religiously and I hate it when a guy (usually not nearly as strong as they think they are) will take a couple machines or benches at a time. He leaves his bag or something on one thing to reserve his spot and then uses something else, only coming back to his original bench when someone else tries to use it. They say theyre still using it… why would you need to use a squat rack and the bench press at the same time?!!

Use one thing… when done move on to the next, dont just take dibs on everything in the mall

Or what’s worse is the dummy who wants to superset everything and will grab 5 sets of dumbbells at once and build himself a little fort with them….

Use it, rack it up, grab the next… don’t hog half the dumbbell rack because you have to do some 50 rep BS workout

Last but certainly not least… I like to squat… I take pride in getting full depth (minimum 90 degrees)

I get sick to my stomach watching guys load up weight and bend about 2 inches then come up… youre literally doing nothing. a legit 315 squat is so much harder than a 500 lb half squat

Same guys who load up leg presses with 500 lbs, move their knees 2 inches while pushing their legs with their hands and grunting away the whole time, i guess they never got any sort of message about range of motion or eccentric contraction

I think I need to go into personal training to try to cure some of the idiots of the world with their lifting mistakes

Lames January 3, 2013 at 10:51 PM

Lame, lame, lame, lame, lame.

Reading this column written by a lady that has a part time job at the mall, roots for teams because her husband does, and LOVES to “people watch” because she has nothing better to do in her life and writes columns like this is why I am planning on moving away from here when my kids transition to middle school.


and I will be here next week to read again…for the same reason stand and watch a scenario when they know it’s inevitably going to turn into tragic events.

Noah's Dad January 3, 2013 at 10:55 PM

Regarding gym etiquette…in addition to wearing deodorant, please remember to brush your teeth. You’ll be amazed how far the smell of garlic noodles or coffee will travel when you’re huffing and puffing on the treadmill. Don’t be “that guy/gal”.

Work out as long as you want while still trying to be courteous to the other members. Invite people to “work in” with you on the machines. It gives you time to catch your breath while allowing more people to use the equipment. When using free weights, try not to exercise so close to the weight racks that you prevent others from getting the weights on the rack.

Just a Concordian January 3, 2013 at 11:10 PM

How come noone is commenting about that deodorant point?

While I agree and i duly follow the wearing of it, deodorant in a gym is as useless as Ron Jeremy in a lesbian convention. If you’re going to a gym and expecting it to smell like a flowery garden, you’re not in the right place.

M January 4, 2013 at 6:23 AM

Agree with all except the deodorant one. Sorry but if you’re that offended by smells, maybe the gym isn’t the place for you. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but that’s where you go to get sweaty.

Atticus Thraxx January 4, 2013 at 7:17 AM

I don’t get the hate for this column. Weird. Diesel I’m with you on squats and legpress. I approach 90degs but don’t quite get there. At almost 50 I figure Im lucky I can squat as deep as I do. And my form breaks down a bit when I’m fatigued. Oldness sucks.

Mark January 4, 2013 at 9:16 AM

I also disagree with the 20-minute rule. My gym doesn’t have one, but I’ve seen some that do. If all the machines are in use, I can see a 30-minute rule being marginally okay, but really, you should be able to do your cardio for as long as you can. 20-minutes is only a warmup.

your neighbor January 4, 2013 at 10:10 AM

Towel as a barrier for your naked butt on the bench is a must! I won’t even put my gym bag on it. I agree with Atticus, I always wipe off the machine before I get on. I don’t trust that someone did it before me. 20 minutes is too short. Put your mats and stuff away when you are done. Don’t blow dry your crotch area in the locker room. It is tacky and disgusting.

The Grant January 4, 2013 at 10:12 AM

I would enjoy working out in the early morning too if it wasnt for having to go to work.

Oh Brother! January 4, 2013 at 11:59 AM

@ Diesel ’26’
You may want to learn what ‘muscle spinning’ and ‘super setting’ is before you quit your day job… It’s hard to keep from laughing at you “trainers” when don’t what your doing or talking about… just sayin’

a touch of evil January 4, 2013 at 2:43 PM

Every gym has its share of idiots, including the trainers. Just live and let live…they don’t know any better.

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