Column: The Real Housewife of Claycord – Every Thursday at 2pm on Claycord.com

May 24, 2012 14:00 pm · 68 comments

The Real Housewife of Claycord – Every Thursday at 2pm on Claycord.com

Hi Claycordians!

This week, I want to talk about household chores….

Being a housewife, one of my main jobs in life is to keep a clean home, but often when I clean it, it’s trashed within about an hour (if the kids are inside).

I know many of you can relate with me when I say one of the best feelings in the World is when your house is spotless and you finally sit down after a very hard day of scrubbing toilets, cleaning showers, doing laundry, doing dishes, picking up toys, clothes, papers, crayons, food and crumbs.

I try to keep up with the chores from day to day, and everybody in the house has their fair share to do, but for some reason, it seems like I’m the only one who does them, even the hubby seems to “forget” to bring out the garbage.

The other day I asked the kids to clean their rooms, and asked my husband to take the garbage to the can (about a 30 foot walk out one door), and two hours later, the kids’ rooms were still dirty and the trash was still sitting in the bag on the kitchen floor. I ended up taking the trash out, and as I was walking out the back door to head to the garbage cans, my husband was sitting on the couch watching the baseball game, he said to me “I was just about to do that”. My spawns are another story, they don’t lie to me about it, they just say “we don’t feel like cleaning”.

It is so frustrating when you’re trying to teach the kids that everybody has to chip in around the house, but my other half isn’t setting a good example (I’ve told him my concerns, and he’s good about it for a while, but after a while he ends up going back into his normal lazy weekend do-nothing mode).

I work my butt off around the home to keep it nice, but it’s good to get a little help in return once in a while.

Claycordians, how can I get my family to help me? I’m only asking for a once-a-week room cleaning and trash-taking-out, so it’s not much!

Moving on….

A few things I saw around Claycord this week:

  • That new In-N-Out is one crazy place, but they sure do have a good system going when it comes to traffic. There were about 30 cars in front of me and I only waited 15 minutes.
  • Who decided to give the mall cops Segway Scooters? They just look funny and so not intimidating riding those things while “patroling” the mall.

The Real Housewife of Claycord Housetip of the Week:

  • When you or a friend throws a bridal/baby shower, buy a pack of thank you cards. During the party, pass out the envelopes and have everyone put their address on one. When the bride/new mother sends the thank you’s, they’re all addressed!

That’s it for this week.

I hope you all have a wonderful week, see you next Thursday at 2pm!

It’s time for me to go make a pie!

-The Real Housewife of Claycord xxoo

1 Happy One May 24, 2012 at 2:11 PM

Make having a clean room once a week a condition of getting their allowance. If the room isn’t clean at 6 pm on Sunday, no allowance for the week. Make sure you set reasonable standards for what constitutes a clean room. If your kids do it, you can’t expect it to be as clean as it would be if you did it.

2 Michelle May 24, 2012 at 2:13 PM

OMG ….I thought I wrote that first part! I feel your pain gf !!!

3 the real superman May 24, 2012 at 2:16 PM

It sounds like your family is as dysfunctional as your column.It is pretty bad when a Leaf Blower story will get twice as many post as the unreal house wife will get. They both are the same both full of hot wind just like most of the house wifes of Concord. Now go burn your Safeway pie.

4 Mac May 24, 2012 at 2:27 PM

I want to trade places with your husband.
I wish all i had to do is take out the dang trash.
Tell him he is lucky he doesn`t have to help you more.

I do all the dishes, Laundry and clean the kitchen and bathrooms too.
To do my share.
Tell your Old Man, he needs to step it up a couple of notches.
Or you`ll make him start to do some of the real work.

Or just stop doing it, for a week or so.
And sit and watch something you like on TV.
And see how he likes it.

5 Wisecracker May 24, 2012 at 2:29 PM

First of all, both you and your husband, as a team, must lead by example. By this I mean, it’s not just you doing all the chores and barking out orders to take out the trash, but it means when you ask your husband to take out the trash that he actually does it in a timely manner. When he doesn’t follow through on something you’ve asked him to help you with he’s not only showing disrespect for you, but also teaching your children that his behavior is acceptable and they can also disrespect you. All of this starts at an early age. If you haven’t instiled in your kids to help out when they were young, then you’ll suffer for it when they are older and really don’t give a darn what you want done around the house.

I was taught at an early age to make my bed every morning, and all siblings in my family had daily and weekly chores which were required to be done, and not just because we earned an allowance, but because we all pitched in and did our share of the house chores.

6 Anon777 May 24, 2012 at 2:31 PM

I’ve learned that nobody will ever do things around the house the way I want (and I’m really not asking for much). I’ve tried my hardest to let things go. They all seem to be able to walk past garbage, water bottles, shoes, games, books, whatever, without blinking an eye. They can’t take anything to their rooms, cannot put a hand towel back on the bathroom rack, rinse the toothpaste from the sink or wipe up crumbs they’ve left on the kitchen counter. I’ve tried to let the dishes sit in the sink until they are overflowing and there are no clean utensils in drawer etc. They usually win because they can outlast me. In the last year, I gave up. I’ve let stuff go until the husband comments and I can honestly say, none of this mine, I clean up/pick up as I go, so whenever you’re ready, have at it!

7 Anon May 24, 2012 at 2:31 PM

I hear ya! I am living it but I will not take the trash any further than to the big cans on the side of the house. Funny how the garbage seems to make it to the curb even if it’s the morning of garbage day. My husband is all about last minute and it drives me crazy.
Hope someone has some good ideas that I can use as well.

8 mommabear May 24, 2012 at 2:32 PM

@ the real superman #3,
Hey great comment. Does it make you feel good to bully a nice lady? Maybe if you quit playing with your little tool you’d have time to think more and behave better. Careful or you could go blind.

9 AO May 24, 2012 at 2:33 PM

One of the characters (can’t recall who) on Sex and the City said…

“You can ask a man to do something, you just can’t ask him to do it right now.”
Apparently men have their own timelines for things.*shrug*

As for the kids, just offer to clean it for them while they are at school. I find that my 13 year old gets very motivated by the threat of me going through her things and throwing away everything that I consider trash. Which includes all items that are not clothes and shoes, all the other crap is fair game. She tested me once, she came home to a bed, a dresser some clothes, and very little else.

10 Pyrrhus May 24, 2012 at 2:34 PM

@Mayor could you implement some kind of upvote/downvote ranking system. So that we could bury trolls like the real superman? Actually a more up to date commenting system would be great, something like sfgate.com has.

11 Concordejet May 24, 2012 at 2:35 PM

The Real Superman I saw you many times every thursday and all you do is say negatives comment. Can’t you come up with a positive attidue at least?????

The In N Out Burger is a crazy place to eat since the fast food restaurant first opened.

Riding a sagway in the mall sound convenience especially they go after a shoplifter.

I am sure your family will appreciate your ability of cleaning up the house, but they need to learn to clean up after them self and help keep the place especially taking out the garbage. Sound like your husband is a certified couch potatoes.

12 Zumba Girl May 24, 2012 at 2:35 PM

They don’t do the chores because you have taught them that YOU will eventually do it.

13 Man Boobs May 24, 2012 at 2:41 PM

I too get frustrated re: chores. Make it a condition of allowance. Good luck with your husband… Surely you have other leverage!
I have to be honest: I think the idea of having guests address their own thank you cards is beyond tacky. They went to th trouble of getting the gift, the least the recipient can do it take the time to write the card and address the envelope.
I’m not a *troll* I just disagree with that tip.

14 rd May 24, 2012 at 2:44 PM

To the real superman,

Why do you even bother to read this column if you really don’t like it? Seriously, if you don’t have anything nice to type, turn of your computer and go outside for a walk. Maybe this beautiful day will put a smile on your face and put some kindness in your heart!

Now go pick some flowers!

15 Dude May 24, 2012 at 2:45 PM

Wow. I’m sure your husband must love being called out like this. You’ve apparently got bigger balls than he does. That said, if you want them to start helping around the house, go on strike. Don’t clean anything. 1 of 2 things will happen. They’ll either start doing it because they can’t stand it, or they won’t, you’ll crack, and you’ll learn to lower your standards and expectations.

16 PH Fan May 24, 2012 at 2:46 PM

I rage on them all…if mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy….

17 Anon May 24, 2012 at 2:46 PM

@Anon777,

I could have written your post. I have the same thing going on.

18 the real superman May 24, 2012 at 2:49 PM

There is nothing positive about this column!!!

19 jtkatec May 24, 2012 at 2:50 PM

What kind of pie?

20 Loving life May 24, 2012 at 2:55 PM

I’m really curious to know, do you REALLY make a pie every week?? It’s your closing statement…

21 WCMom May 24, 2012 at 2:55 PM

Amen, @Mac

22 Concordejet May 24, 2012 at 2:56 PM

Pyrrbus

that is a good ideal to get a upvote/downvote system like the sfgate.com have. i think the proglrm for the up and down vote system is that the glitch might cause some bug since they have very little grapic to install. it should not be that hard to place on the web since it requires some HTML updating the system and test the system. would be worth while to track down real superman

I am up for the up and down voteing system. is anyone else up for the same idea?

23 Paul Blart, Mall Cop May 24, 2012 at 3:00 PM

Let’s not underestimate the power of a mall cop on a Segway… You’ll think twice about laughing at us when one of us runs over your toe. Let me tell you, THAT will be a mild inconvenience you will NEVER forget! Respect the Segway!

24 Cap'n Nick May 24, 2012 at 3:03 PM

I can’t really relate to your husband. We share the chores around here. We split them differently from week to week depending on who has more time around the house. As for taking out the trash, if I’m not home to do it, it will never go farther than the back porch. I’ll come home some days to find three or four bags of trash and recycling out there, so I take it the other 20 feet to the trash cans. I think you have been letting him slide for too long by this point. You’re probably screwed. Believe me when I tell you, if I did what you say he does, I would be a single man by now.

25 Lovemydogs May 24, 2012 at 3:06 PM

My kids are grown but when they were little, I made a game out of cleaning. We would have races to see who could pick up the most toys etc in a certain amount of time. I use that on my grand kids. The trick is to try to make it fun. As far as your husband, I have no advice. I’m lucky with mine. He has washed the dishes every night since we’ve been together and if I even look at the garbage, he tells me don’t touch it, that’s my job.
Why do people feel the need to insult this woman? If you don’t like what she writes, don’t read it. What kind of pleasure do you get out of insulting somebody that you don’t even know? Do you not understand that there is a real person with real feelings behind this column or do you just not care?

26 mommabear May 24, 2012 at 3:06 PM

@ Real Housewife.
If you wouldn’t mind a few suggestions;
Post a list of requirements on the fridge. Clean up after yourself only. Don’t do chores assigned to others. Close the door the the bedrooms of those little slackers. “Forget” to go food shopping. “Forget” to cook two or three times a week. And NEVER NAG. You’re not in control so stop trying.
Object lessons have a way of succeeding.

27 concordmom May 24, 2012 at 3:06 PM

I wish Mac was my husband!

28 Howard K Mullins III May 24, 2012 at 3:09 PM

I have always found that a good leaf blower can do wonders on dust and lint, specially that tough lint in the corners and under the couch. I do use an electric leaf blower, no fumes in my house.

For the tougher stuff, a extra large can of Comet and a fire hose works the best.

I really have no problem getting the kids from all over the neighborhood to help out, specially on a hot day.

29 Lovemydogs May 24, 2012 at 3:10 PM

I have a question. If the comments must be “approved” why are the ones that do nothing but demean and insult people allowed? I don’t understand why such mean insulting comments are published.

30 GINA May 24, 2012 at 3:14 PM

#6 you definately sound like me, i have the exact same situation,seems nobody cares but me….garbage could get maggots before anybody else would even think oh maybe i should empty the garbage. my mom cant believe it when she comes over, and i cant blame her, i wasnt raised like that and i wish my boyfriends mom and kids werent raised like that. i like a nice clean house, but im sick of being the one who always is bothered by the full garbage, cups and plates left where they eat, etc. i can say one thing, its that my 5 year old son will not be raised like that, he will clean up after himself and i will make sure of it !!!!!!!! nuff said

31 Anon2you May 24, 2012 at 3:15 PM

I am confused…Which one is real? Superman or the Housewife? The Housewife sounds real so I am going with her..
.As far as chores go…I told this to both my kids, just this past week…I have decided to just wait until my children have places of their own. I will come by for a visit and pee all over their toilet seat and drop crumbs and crap everywhere in thier house, use a different glass everytime I want a drink then leave them in the sink, root through their cupboards and eat all the “good” food they might have leaving just crumbs in the bottom of the bag or box, then put it back in the cupboard, drink all but the last swig of their milk/soda or whatever drink they might have in the fridge, then put back the nearly empty container in the fridge. I will open all of their potato chip bags and leave them open, not bothering to fold them over or put a clip on them, I am going to open all the ceral boxes in the cupboards and do the same thing. I am going to go on their computer without asking and print out every webpage I can find until they are completely out of paper or toner whichever comes first, then I will download a virus and close thier firewall/virus software so it comes thru because I ‘disregarded’ the warning not to open the file. If they have kids, I am going to “wind” them up and then once they are at a fever pitch, I will happily excuse myself and leave, back to my own, NOW clean and organized house to enjoy some peace and quite…I just can’t wait.

32 Regarding "the real superman" May 24, 2012 at 3:22 PM

certainly not much “super” about him/her.

Sound more like someone with a grudge than anything else.

Best to ignore folks like that, they produce little, if anything, of value.

33 SAR May 24, 2012 at 3:30 PM

Am I the only one that gets ‘the real superman’ sense of humor? He’s always one of first to comment each week… Thursday’s at 2:00 is circled on his calendar throughout the year.

34 mommabear May 24, 2012 at 3:36 PM

@SAR #33,
So BFD, we have two sick bastards here.

35 MO May 24, 2012 at 3:40 PM

My husband number 1 and husband number 2, were raised by neat mothers…they both always volunteered. Husband number 2 tho, had a day job and also had cattle. So we shared chores…he often needed another hand when getting calves up or giving shots. So we had a ”trade” system. And we put out the big garden together.

Now for three kids who were not 2 years apart. They hated chores, INSIDE…they thrived on any chore that was outside. So…..if at the end of the day or after the school bus left…and there was ”stuff” in their rooms or on the bathroom floor or in the laundry room….I gathered it up, and put a price on it…most things back in those days were pennies and nickles and dimes….if they wanted their ”other” tennis shoe, they had to buy it from me. As stingy as they were with their coins….they hated this.

Now for the chores like making the bed, emptying trash, and etc etc…left undone put a restriction on them. If they didn’t make their bed in the morning they didn’t watch TV in the evening. (now it would be no computer, or video games, I suppose).

So … that sort of how I handled undone chores.
The profits accrued throughout the year..(I mean I had big bucks)….we used them at the County Fair, and if we had lots, we paid for our fishing licenses.

For my kids, parting with their money was the almost the worst thing. Restriction from fav activities was probably the worst…

I remember once a 69 Chevy Pickup sitting on blocks….for 2 weeks. If you don’t think that was bad….harder on me, but I didn’t give in.

They, as grandparents today, remember their Mother who never threatened them, she made bold promises and she kept them. And….she still has eyes in the back of her head.

36 Dude May 24, 2012 at 3:45 PM

Nah, Mommabear… I’m kinda sick too.

37 Happy One May 24, 2012 at 3:51 PM

Great suggestion by AO #9! Telling a teen you’ll go through all his/her stuff should be plenty of motivation.

38 PIE PIE PIE May 24, 2012 at 3:57 PM

Loving Life and I want to know what kind of pie? We demand to know what kind of pie.

I would also refer you to my many questions regarding your pies, in prior weeks. I would like my questions answered.

If you’re going to be a successful housewife, you really do need to expand on the pie topic

jtkatec

39 Marble System May 24, 2012 at 4:01 PM

Make a chore chart with responsibilities such as: do homework with no complaints, put dirty dishes in dishwasher, make bed, put away toys etc… Then each night before bed go over it together. Each item that can be checked off for that day earns a marble. They can turn in their marbles for prizes .. 25 = trip to Yogurt Shack, 50 = go to the movies, 75 = buy a new DS game etc… It’s positive reinforcement that teaches them responsibility!

40 Jen May 24, 2012 at 4:17 PM

Spend the money for a housekeeper that comes every other week. For $80 or so, twice a month, fights are averted, frustrations somewhat go away and you don’t spend all your free time scrubbing. Sure you still have to pick up and keep the place tidy, but the floors, toilets, showers…done! And by someone else! Losing the headache is worth the money, many times over. Hire a housekeeper! Best thing I’ve ever done for my marriage!

41 Cindy May 24, 2012 at 4:20 PM

My children are all grown and out of the house but when they lived here I had specific chores for each of them weekly, written on the calendar. Things like, emptying the dishwasher, setting the table, taking out the garbage, etc. They also did their own laundry starting at age 10. And they didn’t always get an allowance because it wasn’t always available.

Good luck with your husband. Mine gets sidetracked and forgets to take out trash. So I do it because I can’t wait. Guess I’m impatient.

@Anon2you #31……..thank you for the giggles. Your post made my day!!

@housewife…have you ever made a peanutbutter pie? yum

42 Palermo May 24, 2012 at 5:21 PM

I think some men feign domestic helplessness cause they know we will go ahead and do the chore ourselves.

Not to change the subject, but speaking of In N Out, I went there for the first time since living in CA these past 25 years, I know most of you said it’s the greatest but I was very disappointed. Nothing special about the burger at all, not to me. Can’t imagine I’ll be going back there.

43 another sunny day May 24, 2012 at 6:02 PM

My understanding of human behavior is that you are supposed to find someone (in this case, your husband or your children) doing something right, and then generously praise and reward them.

It’s the old “You get what you stroke” saw. So if they get their attention for not cooperating with you, that’s what you’ll get again and again.

44 JRConcord May 24, 2012 at 7:14 PM

Ah@ Mama bear

Im a sick bastard too? very sick !! As for the housewife and to all domesticated women everywhere Thank You :-)

45 J. May 24, 2012 at 7:40 PM

“… normal lazy weekend do-nothing mode …”

Ouch.

46 Sher May 24, 2012 at 7:45 PM

Thanks for being honest in this column. It certainly has made for an honest and sometimes sarcastic comment or two. Authoritive approaches only work when there is a measure of fear or dread involved, so you turn into the “enforcer”. Pick your battles, because you care more than they do, and I doubt that will change. Make specific parts of the room chores measureable by reinforcing rewards (the marble idea is good), and keep the mood light, because we need our families to be sustainable. Praise the good things more than all else. My husband and I made a deal about spontaneous requests. He and I can take 15 minutes to respond. Another thing that helps me is genuinely praising and appreciating someone along with telling them how important their contributions are in our/your family.

47 Chuckie's Wife May 24, 2012 at 8:10 PM

What I notice missing from the column and many comments is the threat of CONSEQUENCES. Oh yeah… they work, but you have to apply them, apply them consistently and let no amount of whining deter you. One of my son’s chores was to mow the lawn on Saturdays. He could mow it any time on Saturday, but he was not going anywhere until it was mowed. His other chore was to take out the trash. I did have to remind him, but again, it got done – because he would do nothing else until it was.

It will be hard at first, but after a while, they’ll get the drift and fall into a routine where these chores will become almost automatic.

As for your husband, well, there can be consequences too…

What you absolutely MUST stop, is to do the chores for them – you’ve established that it’s ok not to do the chores because you will eventually do them.

In order to change this around, you will have to announce the new paradigm in advance – and then stick to it!!!

Good luck!

48 mommabear May 24, 2012 at 8:17 PM

@ JRConcord,
Congratulations on your illness. I assume you reside alone in your man-cave and that your palms suffer much abuse. You must be very proud.
Oh and thanks for the laughs.

49 Division of Labor May 24, 2012 at 8:42 PM

I earn the family’s money, kill the spiders, and keep the bad guys at bay. In return for that, I will watch a ballgame on my TV or do any old other thing I feel like when I feel like doing it.
Clean the house? Ain’t that supposed to be done while I’m at work?

50 Mo Mo May 24, 2012 at 8:57 PM

I have been reading this column for a month a two, and I do hope that single young women do not read this column. It is all about adults 30,’s 40’s, ? asking for advice on how to be a slavewife; If I didn’t know it, I would think this article appeared in Ann Landers in the 50’s. If young women read this, why in the world would they get married? I thught we have evolved a little; at least. Marrying is for falling head over heels in love with someone that your life is so full of happiness, by day to day living, working, having fun, that the topics written here would make me run as fast I could from marriage.

51 Mo Mo May 24, 2012 at 9:01 PM

I also get the Real Superman

52 Concord74 May 24, 2012 at 9:23 PM

Go get’um, “mommabear”.

I do not always agree with some of your posting on other blog topics but you called it here! What’s with those four posters espousing like spoiled brats?? Sounds like “mo mo” would make a real choice mate!

53 Concord74 May 24, 2012 at 9:25 PM

I agree, jtkatec – we never get feedback about her pies! I wonder if hubby gets to eat the whole pie? Spoiled!!

54 the real superman May 24, 2012 at 10:16 PM

I just love that Mo Mo I sure love to hook up with her how about friday. You sound like the perfect woman for the real superman not like all these cake eaters on this site.

55 Shiloh May 24, 2012 at 10:24 PM

She doesn’t really make pie!!

As others have mentioned about the chores: CONSEQUENCES are key!! Why would your kids ever be allowed to do anything at all that they enjoy if they haven’t first obeyed your wishes?? My kids know that chores, homework or anything at all that I have asked them to do must be done before they can play, watch tv, have a friend over, iPod, iPad, cell phone, popsicle, WHATEVER! Also, why do they only have to clean their rooms once a week? What is the point? Then you only get a clean room once a week and it seems like a HUGE job for them on that day – probably why they don’t want to do it. Have them make their beds and straighten up in the mornings before school, put away their laundry etc after school, quickly straighten up and put clothes in the hamper etc at bedtime — literally takes seconds or minutes each time and then it’s never a big job.

You can’t control your husband. If he hates taking out the trash then just do it yourself so it doesn’t turn into an argument. Does he do the yard work at least? I take the trash out most of the time and do most of the inside work — except what my kids are responsible for.

Also, definitely have a housekeeper come every other week! Then you’re just maintaining, not doing major scrubbing and mopping. Very worth it. Your daily chores will be the same but you’ll never have to spend a whole day scrubbing bathrooms and dusting :) Let me know if you want contact info for mine!

56 Dude May 24, 2012 at 10:27 PM

@Concord74: For as much as Real Housewife’s husband is made out to be a hapless numbnuts, I guarantee you he’s eating the whole pie.

57 I am Woman May 25, 2012 at 2:19 AM

Men, boyfriends, husbands don’t want to talk about domestics, or hear about domestics. It’s just things that must be done however you choose to manage your house, but when your husband comes home, the last thing he wants to hear about is the price of groceries, how difficult it is to clean the oven and watch the kids. By now, you should have gotten that into a routine years ago. When your mate comes home, I think he would like it if you changed from your work clothes, put on something attractive, and talk to him like you did before you married him. Before you married, you didn’t ask him to take out the trash, and wasn’t racing home to find out what was on sale at the store either. Find your marriage and celebrate each other.

To Superman: you have interest in Mo Mo, what about me?

58 Going Marbles May 25, 2012 at 6:55 AM

When the end result is to increase the behavior use positive reinforcement over negative. You will see more productivity from children (and husbands) when they strive to earn something rather than avoid being scolded or have something taken away.

59 Cruella May 25, 2012 at 7:11 AM

First, laughing out loud at the post about “payback” to the adult children. Thank you.

I agree with some of the other posters, if you can afford it, do get a housekeeper to come in and do the “scrubbing” every other week.

When I had three (under 10) children at home, I made a chart of all the rooms in the house. For each room, I made a “list” of what was involved in cleaning that room. I went through each room and cleaned it completely. EVERY night, each person was responsible for their own room and another room in the house. This way, it only took a few minutes and every room the house was cleaned every day. It worked. Best wishes.

60 MO May 25, 2012 at 8:24 AM

Great posts.

I see a small bit of whining here re: husbands and work. If the wife is a stay at home mom……and he works outside the home 5 days a week….I don’t see any reason for a man to have to do housework, other than maintain his space…like leaving the bathroom clean after using it, and cleaning his mess in the kitchen after an evening snack.
That’s just common sense and good manners.

Now if the husband and wife both work 8 hrs a day out of the home…it’s both spouse’s responsibility to share the household chores. And, both take equal responsibility with training children to be clean and neat and take responsibility for themselves.

If there are pets … its an equal opportunity job for each family member.

Never threaten children, promise them. And don’t go back on your word. (even if you have to go lock yourself in the bathroom and cuss or cry)….

One note here…as I already wrote a long piece way up there…I have a story re: who learns what in the home, as in men’s work vs women’s work.

My twin sons had to learn to do household chores that most (years ago would call woman’s work) because I felt they needed to know how to cook, do laundry, etc etc…if they ever had to take care of themselves in their own apartments.

So, many years later, my one son was going to music school at Norfolk Va…and he roomed with a Sailor, an Airman, a Marine and he was a Soldier.
They began their tour there, by sending their uniforms to the laundry….until they decided that was too expensive. So they pooled their money and bought an iron and an ironing board. My son knew how to iron, and could crease those uniforms perfectly…so he taught the rest. When the tour was over….they called me on the phone and thanked me for what I had done. Shortly arriving in the mail, was the IRON … fixed up to be my trophy for going above and beyond the call of duty….which of course made me cry. Later in the week came a dozen red roses from these sweet young Military men…..

I certainly was paid back for a job well done…and it really touched my heart.

61 Carry Concealed May 25, 2012 at 9:41 AM

looks like it’s ‘mommabear’s time of the month… stand down all!

62 PIE PIE PIE May 25, 2012 at 10:49 AM

Housewife of Claycord, please devote at least one paragraph to pie on your next postings.

1. Do you make your own crusts or do you buy crust (Phillo or Puff)
2. Are the pies all dessert pies or are some pies entrees (chicken pot pies).
3. Do you use canned ingredients?

I can’t believe you would mention pie every week but yet not expand on this topic.

Who the rat’s-patoot cares about men not picking up? That’s a fact of life. (apologies for the broad brush stroke to those guys who are neat-nicks.). Their mother’s picked up after them, hence they didn’t learn at an early age. If you pick up after your sons, you are just continuing the generational problem.

Like alchoholism, you need to break the chain within the family and create a new reality.

Okay, NOW LET’S HEAR ABOUT PIE!!! (I’m shouting because one of my co-workers just turned around and looked shocked).

Regards,
jtkatec

63 Mimi (original) May 25, 2012 at 3:43 PM

after years and years of taking away privileges, withholding allowances, etc. I simply gave up and pulled the kid’s doors closed. Now, when they ask, “will you help me look for XX?” I simply reply, “sorry, I can’t go into a room that messy to look for anything!” I know there are things in there that have been buried for years!! Shudder!

64 Anon May 25, 2012 at 3:44 PM

I could have written this! I was home with four kids for ten years. Although we agreed that it made sense financially for me to stay home (daycare costs), my husband really resented it. His comments were so demeaning and over time I lost a lot of the feelings I had for him. Things like: “If you worked all day too, then I would help out.”, or “If you actually knew what it was like to put in a full day, then I would help.” “Your time is your own, so don’t tell me what to do with mine” or “Staying home with kids is easy, quit asking me to do things around here.” and the best one “When you get a full time job, I will split the work down the middle”

His only household chore at all was to do the yardwork, which he could never keep up on. He hired a gardner to do the yardwork. From that point on, he had no household chores.

During that ten years I was the sole person responsible for cooking, shopping, bill paying, investments, cleaning, removal of all trash (including the big toters to the curb every week) maintaining vehicles (oil changes, car washes, taking the cars in for servicing), picking up dry cleaning, kids sporting event attendance and participation (he was too tired), teacher conferences, driving kids to and from school, taking kids to doctor, dentist, getting up during the night 100% of the time when kids were sick (he has to go to work),etc. The longer I stayed home, the longer my list of responsibilities grew (You have the time, I was told).

I tried may different ways of changing the situation, but nothing worked. I did the suggestions that the ‘I am a woman’ suggested, and although my husband loved being greeted by a scantily clad hot housewife, I was still schlepping the garbage out to the curb in stillettos. I tried chore charts, lists, trying to talk things through, and every other solution that came to my mind.
Eventually, I just stopped talking about it and started expecting nothing from him and just did everything all the time. It was a dark time in my life. I felt lonely, worthless, and just completely devalued as a woman. I did not have much to look forward to each day, and sank into a depression that I was not even aware of.

When my youngest entered school, I went to work full time. I put my Master’s degree to use and re-entered the work force. I love my job, and I found out that I am actually a worthwhile person. I do some pretty exciting work and I love the interaction with my co-workers.

As far as the division of labor…. NOTHING CHANGED! The only thing I did was hire housekeepers. They have completely changed my outlook. They come every week, and it is worth every penny. The rest of the list I am STILL doing.

I am a very forgiving person, and as my kids have gotten older they are now helping me out constantly around the house and they are always doing it with a good attitude. My husband still does not do anything (except his work job), but recently he did acknowledge that he was wrong all those years. He is “over it” and somehow I am supposed to be as well! I know he means it, and I am working on trying to let it go, since it really serves no real purpose to hold on to that resentment.

65 @anon64 May 28, 2012 at 4:14 PM

Wow, you just wrote a story about my life, word from word!

66 Shiloh May 28, 2012 at 5:09 PM

@64, that does sound depressing. Is his dad the same way?

67 MO May 28, 2012 at 5:38 PM

anon 64…
Your Mama raised you right. :))))
But, as someone old enough to be your Mother, I’d have kicked ”his” rump all the way to kingdom come. What a big baby your husband is. A real man, knows there is sharing …. although if he is gone many hours there is always a way to work out the ”sharing”…. I stayed home, ran a farm, with cattle, a home, three kids and a business (other than the cattle). But…it was a joint venture…50 50…I worked here, he worked on his job and when we were here together we shared. So as the saying goes, a farmer has to have a day job…we worked hard. Together.

You are a gem, and your children will never forget ”the way it is”….and when they are grown, they will always know ”who you are”.

You can be very proud of yourself for ”hanging in there”….and I would be proud if you were my daughter.

MO

68 1funEmom June 4, 2012 at 7:38 PM

Flylady.net teaches how to get rid of the clutter (you can’t organize clutter) just 15 mins at a time with a loving attitude! She also sends daily reminder (if you want them) including a kids challenge for just 5 mins. These challenges teach kids “how” to clean, i.e. find 5 things that don’t belong and put them away, clear clutter off the table top and wipe it down. It really works and over a short period of time. The trick is to stick to the time limit so they trust you next challenge, who can complain over 5 mins., they work faster to beat the clock, and nobody has to be a nagging taskmaster.

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