Column: The Real Housewife of Claycord – Every Thursday at 2pm on

April 5, 2012 14:00 pm · 64 comments

The Real Housewife of Claycord – Every Thursday at 2pm on

Hi Claycordians!

Mr. Mayor has renewed my $0 (that’s zero dollar) contract for another two weeks! Yay for me!

A few weeks ago I told you my son was in the middle of being potty trained, and my house smelled like my son was in the middle of being potty trained.

The training is complete!

With the magic of carpet cleaner and a few air fresheners, my house is slowly getting back to its normal smell (although I’m not sure which smell is better).

Potty training for my son came pretty easy. He had a few accidents on the carpet and a few in his pants when he couldn’t make it to the bathroom in time, but overall, he’s excited about this new adventure.

Many parents with boys will be able to relate to me when I say “holy cow my bathroom floor is slowly turning yellow”.

I had no idea boys were so messy. This kid, when he goes to the bathroom (#1), wants to stand up, and only about 10% of the #1 makes it into the toilet. The rest is on the floor, on the toilet seat, on the toilet paper hanging on the wall and on the wall. It pretty much lands everywhere but where it’s supposed to land. I find myself cleaning the bathroom multiple times a day, which is probably a good thing, but wow, I wish he could just hit the water once in a while!

Any parents out there have any good suggestions on how to train your child to actually pee in the toilet? I’d love to hear any suggestions/tips!

Enough about pee, let’s talk about things I saw around Claycord this week….

  • Has anybody else noticed all the new “massage” places around town. These places are the ones that are open past 10pm and offer the cheap “foot massage”. Interesting. There are a ton of them popping up around Claycord (pardon the pun).
  • I saw a kid, who was no older than 15, purchase a 40-ounce beer from a local grocery store this week. When the clerk asked him for his ID, he said “I left it in the car”, and the person still sold it to him! I hate being a “rat”, but I told the store manager, who said he would talk to the employee.
  • Has anybody seen the guy with the monkey in downtown Concord? He was walking around the other day in Todos Santos Plaza with a monkey on his shoulder. Cute little thing (the monkey, not the guy). I wonder if the City of Concord will now pass a “no monkeys in Todos Santos Plaza” law?

The Real Housewife of Claycord Housetip of the Week:

  • Using corks is a great way to organize small sharp objects such as corn cob holders, tacks or push pins. Just stick them into a cork and you’ll be able to find them in your drawer easily, without poking yourself with the sharp ends in the process. (source,

That’s it for this week.

I hope you all have a wonderful week, and since my contract has been renewed for two more weeks, I will see you next Thursday at 2pm!

It’s time for me to go make a pie! Yummy Yummy!

-The Real Housewife of Claycord xxoo

1 Cowellian April 5, 2012 at 2:05 PM

The kid needs something to aim for. Find him a target that’s safe to flush.

2 Nick April 5, 2012 at 2:06 PM

I think the monkey is fine at Todos Santos as long as he waits until he leaves to have a cigarette. If I can’t smoke there, neither can the monkey.

3 Pucky April 5, 2012 at 2:09 PM

I am glad you are still here; Have your Boy sit on the pot to P; You should take a few pictures during the week too; One of the Monkey would of been nice; 2 weeks? I’d like to see ya here every week; Tell the Mayor I said so…

4 V April 5, 2012 at 2:09 PM

I don’t have a boy child, but a friend of mine suggested putting cherrios into the bowl and having the boy “aim” for them. Apparently it worked rather well.

5 V April 5, 2012 at 2:09 PM

what I meant, was that she did that with her boy children.

6 Shiloh April 5, 2012 at 2:09 PM

I enjoy your column :) I don’t have any boys but I have nephews and I swear they must turn in circles while they’re peeing! I go in and wipe the toilet and floor with a Clorox wipe after they walk out

7 livininconocrd April 5, 2012 at 2:13 PM

use the little squares of toilet paper – draw a bullseye on them – and put them in the toilet as “targets” sort of focuses them on what they are aiming at… instead of looking around and shooting around…

8 KJ April 5, 2012 at 2:15 PM

Isn’t it illegal to own monkeys in California?

9 JG April 5, 2012 at 2:15 PM

regarding teaching boys to aim – i started out with those little discs you punch out to hold the wet eggs that come with egg decorating kits – they float and he can aim at them – we then moved to small toy boats (small like army men) they also float and can be “sunk” if aim is good!

10 concord mom April 5, 2012 at 2:19 PM

we first taught our son to go sitting down. once he got the hang of it, he started standing up. i think because of this, he isn’t as messy as boys can be. but yes we definitely have to clean the bathroom more often! good luck

11 Shiloh April 5, 2012 at 2:20 PM

I’d like you to stay longer than two weeks also! This is like the “people” or “entertainment” section of Claycord – it lightens things up

12 Paul (formerly) in South Concord April 5, 2012 at 2:23 PM

Here’s just one example, after a quickie Google:

13 Been There April 5, 2012 at 2:26 PM

Cheerios work great, color them red and that makes for good targets :) I liked the idea of putting a target on a square of tp… but that may sink faster than you want. You want the boy to keep “trying to sink” the cheerios.

14 jtkatec April 5, 2012 at 2:32 PM

I had not noticed the late night massage parlors. Where exactly are they located as I love foot massages!! Did you see any signs where they posted what they were charging?

15 More needs to be done.... April 5, 2012 at 2:49 PM

With regards to the store selling alcohol to the underage kid, you should report that incident to ABC. Especially if all the store manager is taking it lightly. ThSt is a HUGE mistake on the employees part and I doubt that it wasn’t intentional. Stores know how serious it is to sell alcohol without confirming to the best of their ability that the buyer is over 21. They will lose their license to sell alcohol and thSt would be a blow to their sales! What if that kid was a decoy part of a sting? Surely a lame excuse like “he said he left it in the car” would not fly. You should really report the employee and store to Alcohol Beverage Control (ABC).

16 CreekRes April 5, 2012 at 2:57 PM

I agree with Shiloh (#11). Your column is light hearted and enjoyable, and I enjoy a break from the usual negative news. I’d be sorry to see you go!

17 Two Suggestions April 5, 2012 at 3:10 PM

1) Have him help clean up any mess he creates
2) Or have him sit down

I bet if he sees the work involved in option 1, he’ll either improve his aim or choose option 2.

18 Nick April 5, 2012 at 3:15 PM

16 comments already and no haters? This has got to be a record! I love it!

19 mom of a soon-to-be potty trained little boy April 5, 2012 at 3:18 PM

I agree with Shiloh too! You’re column is entertaining and enjoyable. I look forward to reading it every week. Please don’t go anywhere!

Thank you for bringing up the topic of potty training little boys. I will be starting with my own son very soon, and there are a lot of great tips on here! I’ve heard of the Cheerios tip, but I will try some of the new ones too.

As far as the underage purchase of beer, it’s disturbing but unfortunately not all that uncommon. Kudos to you for saying something to the manager. Hopefully the employee will think twice next time!

20 dena April 5, 2012 at 3:26 PM

I think it would be a huge mistake for Claycord to remove your column. Us “female” readers quite enjoy it!!!

21 anonamiss April 5, 2012 at 3:30 PM

When my son was learning to pee, he was seated and learned that way at first. Now that he is older he wants to stand up and pee like dad. He still manages to splash some pee on the seat and around the base of the toilet, but I told him that I will make him clean up the bathroom next time he doesn’t pee IN the toilet. So far so good.
As for the person who didn’t refuse selling alcohol to the young boy without an ID, he is violating the law if he’s not aware. Also if this kid is able to buy alcohol or get alcohol he may have a drinking problem down the line…. Sad.

22 Jesse April 5, 2012 at 3:39 PM

My mom used Cheerios to potty train my two little brothers.

23 K April 5, 2012 at 3:56 PM

i have 4 boys. i clean the bathroom several times a day. so fun. get a cup of fruit loops and put it on the counter. then drop one in the toilet for him to aim at

24 Chuckie's Wife April 5, 2012 at 4:02 PM

I have a boy and yep, it gets messier…

1) make sure he’s up high enough to actually do his business right. You might need to invest in a step stool. It’s really hard to pee aiming up, ya know… ;)

2) DO NOT let dad and son play “swords” – while they may have fun, and while your son may learn how the business is done right, you will have an even bigger mess to clean up.

I like all the suggestions of “target shooting” – I wish I’d thought of that when training my boy.

25 babycita April 5, 2012 at 4:03 PM

The Family Spa at Treat/Clayton Rd (near Togos) does $20 for a hour long foot massage that is really good! It’s about 40 minutes of foot massage, then they take you into a room and (clothes on) massage your back and neck for another 15-20 minutes. The place is clean but not fancy at all. Sometimes they play strange Chinese soap opera music. No one speaks hardly any English (which is fine with me, I don’t like to chat during massages and they are all really nice). I’ve been there about 4 times and had a different person each time and they were all great. If you go please tip them well, because they do work really hard and $20 for an hour of great foot massage is a hell of a deal.

26 The Real Housewife of Claycord April 5, 2012 at 4:03 PM

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I will try the target practice. I never even thought about that!

You all are so sweet, thank you for your nice comments. :)

I would love to be here every week, hopefully Mr. Mayor keeps a spot open for me.

Thank you again!

TRHoC xxoo

27 Sonia April 5, 2012 at 4:12 PM

Try throwing some cheerios in the toilet and have him play the aim game so it becomes more fun for him to get the pee in the toilet.

28 @Real Housewife April 5, 2012 at 4:15 PM

Keep it up. I love reading your blog.

Oh – by the way – wait till you catch them in the backyard with pants down around their ankles. Thats always nice when guests are over…

29 not sure April 5, 2012 at 4:25 PM

not sure I like this column on here. I am on this blog to find news about our community. Claycord starts to feel like a gossip column (not meant in mean way) and I am slowly starting to loose interest. ( I know, I know…stop reading it then…)
With that said I do like your posts, just not here.

30 MO April 5, 2012 at 4:31 PM

I, too am glad this column is back. I am tickled at the ”potty training” talk…I don’t know what I did…since my boys have already potty trained their kids and now their grandsons, …. I can smile when I see the struggle.

Do you young Mom’s realize you are heroes? Brave women to tackle raising kids. I’m not sure I’d do it again, if I had a choice……..I’d have dogs and cats. LOL….

31 Mr. John April 5, 2012 at 4:32 PM

Ask him to help clean it up. Don’t make it a punishment – just an unfortunate side effect of missing. Despite his best efforts, he’ll likely be more of a burden thn a benefit to start, but it teaches good habits of cleanliness and the frustration of having to take the time to clean up provides motivation to get it right as soon as possible.

32 Really? April 5, 2012 at 4:34 PM

The haters have real jobs and are unable to chime in at 2:00pm every Thursday.
Pee? REALLY? You all probably think the Luv’s Diaper commercial is funny too. You known, the one where the children load their diapers full of crap. How about a tip for that! “Anyone know how much crap I can leave my child’s diaper full of before I need to change it?”

WOW, Great topic!

33 Just a Concordian April 5, 2012 at 4:35 PM

Mayor won’t have much to do lately if your column goes poof. With very few exceptions of bored claycordians encouraging intruders and absentee dog owners, we haven’t really had much to talk about. Of course there’s (commence self promo) my divinely inspired tip about what to do with the fatasses who like sugary sweet drinks (curtain self promo) but I do hope you stay.

Now that being said… it’s great that you are telling us about your life’s little difficulties… on that very subject of today’s column, my dog actually had an accident as I found out this morning, most of it away from the carpet… but I would suggest maybe liven it up a little. Yes, our lives are boring, and I bet you’re on that same boat, but maybe if you were to add a little spice, say, tell us about a recent fight you had with your hubby and how you resolved it. Or tell us about the time someone cut you off and you flipped them off or shone your brights at him just to make a statement (like that guy did to me last night) things of that nature. I believe your haters are a little upset from the lack of drama. Now there was that promiscuous friend of yours… so get more of them! Hell, I’ll give you a few of those if you want. The stories they could tell…

34 La Grinch April 5, 2012 at 4:36 PM

I am also amazed that the haters/trolls haven’t made their hit-and-runs yet! I like this column, I hope it stays. I especially like the observations around Claycord – there is always something interesting there.

And maybe now is a good time for everyone reading this column to thank their own mothers for potty training them!! What an unappreciated job mothers have!

35 anon April 5, 2012 at 4:46 PM

Not all ‘us females’ enjoy the column, the first half is all pee, been there, done that, and the second half is all snitching stories, yawnnnnn.

36 dlo April 5, 2012 at 5:00 PM

I love your column! I hope you are around for a long time! & I agree with the cheerios target except it didn’t work with my son lol. nothing did. He his did it on his own when he was ready.

37 ABAGal April 5, 2012 at 5:44 PM

I too am a mom/housewife…I am even potty training a toddler. You don’t speak for me. Big yawn.

38 catdog April 5, 2012 at 5:47 PM

I just want to know if you are really making all those pies?? Otherwise, I find your column refreshing and love to read it.

39 Just Me April 5, 2012 at 5:47 PM

I dig your column! Yeah for 2 more weeks!!

40 alison/1994 April 5, 2012 at 6:02 PM

Two week’s could not come soon enough .How old are you, every week it’s poo , puke now pee, claycord we are all much better than that.

41 Horse'n Around April 5, 2012 at 6:09 PM

Don’t listen to ABAGal. She NEVER has a nice thing to say. If you watch her profile on here, she is just a troll. Keep up the good work Real Housewife. Since she says she is a mom, I feel sorry for society. I hope she doesn’t teach her child all the hate that she spews on here.

42 Keep the column Mayor. April 5, 2012 at 6:16 PM

The haters sure quit when they saw she could have lost the column. Keep up the good work! Look forward to reading next week!

43 Don P. April 5, 2012 at 6:18 PM

Do people actually enjoy reading this?

44 WC resident April 5, 2012 at 6:33 PM

Is this column the Mayor’s way of keeping housewives out of his hair?

Where exactly are all of these “new “massage” places around town. These places are the ones that are open past 10pm?”

45 J. April 5, 2012 at 6:43 PM

Get used to it folks, all new parents love to commiserate about pee, poop, and vomit ;)

46 anon23 April 5, 2012 at 6:49 PM

at Don P.

Your read this far….you must be enjoying :)

47 Cowellian April 5, 2012 at 6:56 PM

Why are you here?

48 Thomas Clarke April 5, 2012 at 6:58 PM

Mom, if you think snitching on a business that sells booze to children is snitching, I cannot imagine the life lessons you present to your children and the village.

Your son needs to learn to use both hands with the seat up. He also needs to learn to clean up. My son learned both at the same time. Yours can to. Lots of praise for doing it right.

Numbers are not nearly as effective as urination and bowel movement. You are doing nothing to help him in the future. Get him started right. He deserves a decent parent.

49 Pinky April 5, 2012 at 8:01 PM

Real Housewife you just gave me another reason to be happy I’m pregnant with a girl. ;)

Love the column!

50 alison/1994 April 5, 2012 at 8:59 PM



51 Renee April 5, 2012 at 9:50 PM

No time to read all the suggestions for the pee pee in the potty question, throw a couple of cheerios in the water and give him a step stool (stand with him to keep from falling) and have him aim at the cereal! Boys are easy to train, much easier than girls. Good job! Didn’t take long for you to accomplish that task! Glad Mayor renewed your contract….love reading your column!

52 Jess April 5, 2012 at 10:29 PM

I really enjoy this column, and I am neither a housewife nor a mom. I hope you are here for a long time. I like hearing about the goings in around Concord from your point of view.

What I don’t understand is why the people who don’t enjoy this column don’t just skip it, and read the next posting. It isn’t like this is the only thing Mr. Mayor posts in a day. Would you read every article in a magazine, even if it wasn’t something that interested you? Variety is the spice of life.

53 1BAR April 5, 2012 at 11:12 PM

I said it before. I’ll say it again! Loving your column! is a lot like a newspaper. You have advise, politics, garden, news, events, and EVERYONES editorials! There are a couple of columns that I tend to pass on: The Garden Gal, Frugal Find and (usually) Whatever and Politics. Since I do have a real job, my time is limited! That being said, just because I pass over those columns does not mean that they are bad or uninteresting. I also won’t waist my precious time needlessly and negatively slamming them! Who the hell has all day to read a whole paper anyway?


54 mo mo April 6, 2012 at 12:15 AM

I agree with Alison 1994, You never have anything inteligent or humorous to say, just ordinary life situatuions that most of us who have manners don’t bore people with. The things you write about, you are supposed to keep in your head, its not interesting enough to write or talk about.

55 Anon April 6, 2012 at 6:58 AM

Sorry I don’t agree with putting a “target” in the toilet. Kinda gives them the idea to put other things in there. Plumbing is expensive. A short step stool helps get them high enough to pee into the toilet. Tell them to make some bubbles which is what happens when the pee hits the water. What kid doesn’t like bubbles? It’s always worked for me.

56 SUPPERMAN April 6, 2012 at 8:33 AM

I just love that Mo Mo.

57 Cherrios???? April 6, 2012 at 8:54 AM

Enough with the cheerios in the toilet already! You are teaching a toddler it is nutritional to eat a bowl of Cheerios and then turn around snd tell him to pee on Cheerios in the toilet?? No wonder some kids are so easily confused! If you teach kids it is ok to pee on food then one morning you may find someone has pizzed in your Cheerios. Literally! I just taught my son to aim for the water in the bowl—worked great for us and makes much more sense. Doing way too much here folks….

58 Claytonian April 6, 2012 at 10:31 AM

Put a few Cheerios in the bowl and tell him to aim for them, it works wonders

59 Old Maid April 6, 2012 at 11:05 AM

Do they serve cheerios at The Olive Garden?

60 Cowellian April 6, 2012 at 12:37 PM

I’m here because I like it here. If I didn’t like it, I’d go somewhere else.

61 Just a Concordian April 6, 2012 at 1:44 PM

Sliced olives look like black cheerios. So, yes, they do serve cheerios at Olive Garden. Now if we had an Olive Garden to go to, I’d show you.

62 The Authority April 6, 2012 at 5:46 PM

Just solved your problem:

You’re welcome.

63 Grateful Wife April 6, 2012 at 6:55 PM

Less haters this week! Yay!

Luv your column!

Please keep it going Mayor, thanks!

64 Rolling Eyes April 6, 2012 at 9:32 PM

Try putting Cheerios in the water I hear it works!

“Rolling Eyes”

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